Sisyphean Love
by paladin1916
Summary: An operatic story of seemingly unconsummatable love
1. Chapter 1

Barber: Adagio for Strings

September 17, 1916

"You could not find a place for her?" Robert glared at Cora. "You had to run her off?"

Cora was not backing down. "The woman was impossible. She did not know her place. She was telling me how to run the convalescent hospital"

"She was a matron in a regular hospital"

"It is in my house! Besides I did not run her off, she went to France of her own accord."

After you left Isobel with no option but to leave thought Robert. "Still" he shook his head. "I hope this does not affect our reconciliation with Matthew".

Cora sniffed "And what if it does?"

Robert picked up his newspapers and left for the library. There was not point in arguing about it, the deed was done.

November 23, 1916

"Listen to this! It is outrageous!'

Mary and Edith looked up from their breakfast plates.

Robert read:

"'Sir'. No dear or anything, just 'Sir'. 'Given the circumstances I will not correspond with you any further. Govern yourself accordingly' That is all. And he signed it 'Matthew Crawley'. No yours truly."

He threw the letter on the table. Mary picked it up. It was very stark.

She handed the letter to Edith.

She had never corresponded with Matthew; she did not recognize his handwriting. She could tell that the letter had been written with great force. Why such anger? What had happened?

"I would like to know what bloody circumstances he is referring to!" Robert grabbed the letter from Edith and stalked out of the breakfast room.

Mary and Edith looked at each other, their mouths open.

December 6, 1916

"Please accept my condolences"

Robert stared at Dr. Clarkson. "In what respect?"

"The passing of Mrs. Crawley. She was a strong willed lady but she certainly knew..."

Robert interrupted. "What do you mean the passing of Mrs. Crawley?"

"Isobel Crawley, Matthew Crawley's mother..."

"Yes, yes. How do you..."

"I am just back from some meetings in Manchester. There was an article in the Manchester Guardian. I tore it out." He started fishing in his pockets. "The Germans have a big artillery piece, they call Big Bertha, with which they shell Paris at random. She was killed by one of the shells. Ah here it is" He gave it to Robert.

Robert looked at the headline 'Local Woman killed by German shell'.

"Do you mind if I take this, to show to the family?"

"Not at all"

-0-

Tea that afternoon was a sombre affair.

They had all read the newspaper clipping. They had all made the connection between its contents and the last letter from Matthew.

No one said anything but they did take furtive glances at Cora.

She could not take it any further. She stood up "I did not kill that woman!" and fled the room.

After a moment Mary said "We should extend Matthew our condolences"

Robert sighed. "I will take care of it."

Six weeks later his letter to Matthew was returned unopened, marked 'Refused'.

April 4, 1917

The Times

Marriage Announcements

'Mr. Reginald Swire is pleased to announce the marriage of his daughter, Lavinia Swire, to Capt. Matthew Crawley, son of the late ...'

July 27, 1917

The Times

Marriage Announcements

'The Earl and Countess of Grantham are pleased to announce the marriage of their daughter, Lady Mary Crawley, to Sir Richard Carlisle...'

August 3, 1918

The Times

Birth Announcements

'Crawley, Reginald, son of Maj. Matthew Crawley and Mrs. Lavinia Crawley...'

August 13, 1918

The Times

Death Announcements

'Crawley, Lavinia, wife of Maj. Matthew Crawley ...'

'Crawley, Reginald, infant son of Maj. Matthew Crawley...'

October 15, 1918

"Doctor, will my son-in-law walk again?"

"There is a very good chance that he will Mr. Swire. As far as we can see his spinal cord was not transected when he was injured so once the swelling subsides with any luck he will regain the use of his legs"

May 3, 1919

"I have some legal gossip you may be interested in"

"Oh?" Robert looked at Murray.

"Your heir Matthew Crawley has joined his father-in-law's firm, Swire & Co."

December 28, 1919

_'I give, devise and bequeath unto my beloved son-in-law, Matthew Crawley, all the rest and residue of my estate, both real and personal, whatsoever and wheresoever situate, and all property over which I may have the power of appointment or disposal at the time of my death.'_


	2. Chapter 2

Sisyphean Love

Qual fiamma avea nel guardo

April 14, 1920

"Do you know this Matthew Crawley?" Richard asked.

Mary paused in her reply. She was wary of her husband's reptilian reactions. Answer a question the wrong way and he could strike out, sometimes literally so. She did not think he knew that Matthew had once proposed to her. She hoped not. His jealousy could be very painful to her. "My father's heir is named Matthew Crawley". She knew he knew this already. This was his way, ask the same question over and over, waiting for an inconsistent answer. And then pounce.

Richard was reading the Financial Times. "It says here that a Matthew Crawley has been elected to serve as a director of the Anglo-Persian Oil Company to replace his late father-in-law, Reginald Swire. It seems that this Crawley has inherited Mr. Swire's shares "

"He is probably my father's cousin, he married a Swire."

"Then it seems I have made him a very rich man."

"How so?"

"Before the war Reggie Swire invested in Ango-Persian. There was a cash call which he couldn't cover and I lent him the money for it. He had a hard time paying me back and I almost broke him but his daughter saved him" he leered at Mary "In return for me forgiving the debt she..." he paused watching her reaction "... stole some papers from her uncle who was a cabinet minister and I had a juicy political scandal to publish. You seem disappointed my dear, what did you think she did for me?'

Mary knew better than to answer him.

"Perhaps we should invite him to dinner, it would not hurt to cultivate a newly minted oil panjandrum."

"That may not be wise. My mother and his mother had a falling out over the operation of the convalescent hospital at Downton Abbey and our families have been feuding ever since."

"And that is why we were not invited to his wedding and he to ours?"

"Exactly" Matthew had been invited to their wedding but he had ignored the invitation. Though Mary was not about to point that out.

"Then we must emulate President Wilson and bring the warring parties to together. We will effect a grand reconciliation and unite the Crawley family. Why don't you arrange a family dinner the next time your parents are in town. Don't tell them we have also invited Mr. Crawley. Let it be a surprise for them" He gave her a crocodile smile and left the breakfast room.

Her heart sank. He knew about her and Matthew. At the best of times he was insanely jealous. If she so much as smiled at a man at a party she paid a heavy price later that night when Richard got her alone. This would be the hardest test yet, how could she get through a whole dinner with Matthew without her body betraying her in some way. It would mean the choke chain and the riding crop. She felt sick to her stomach.

April 21, 1920

_'Sir Richard Carlisle_

_Mr. Crawley has instructed me to reply to your invitation to dinner Friday next. _

_He advises that prior circumstances prevent him from accepting your invitation or any subsequent invitations._

_Govern yourself accordingly._

_Gwen Dawson'_

Richard tossed the note on the breakfast table in front of Mary. "It seems that we are included in the Crawley family feud"

Mary did not touch the note. She smiled to herself. Thank you Matthew, thank you.


	3. Chapter 3

Sisyphean Love

Walkürenritt

August 23, 1920

Matthew's telephone rang. He picked up the receiver. "Yes"

"Mr. Crawley?'

"Yes Miss Dawson?"

"The Crawley ladies are here to see you."

What? He looked at the telephone. "Who?"

"The Crawley ladies"

What did they want? Had something happened to the Earl? God forbid, was he the Earl now? "Which ones?"

"All of them, the Countess, the Dowager Countess, Lady Carlisle, Lady Strallen and Mrs. Branson." Gwen whispered "Lady Carlisle is wearing a veil"

Why were they all here? If the Earl had died surely a telegram or telephone call would have sufficed. "I will see one of them."

"Which one?"

"Let them decide" Please not Mary, not her.

-0-

The Crawley ladies huddled. The obvious choice, Mary, said nothing. The younger ones were there just to support her. So Violet volunteered for, no assumed, the role of spokesman.

But Cora overruled her. "He blames me for his alienation from us. If I can speak to him perhaps we can get past that and he will agree to do this thing for Mary." Cora ignored Violet's murmur of protest and turned to Gwen. "I will speak to Mr. Crawley."

-0-

Matthew was already standing when Gwen announced the Countess of Grantham. He motioned for Cora to take a seat. He went and sat behind his desk.

Matthew sat and stared at Cora. She could not meet his eyes. There was a long silence.

"I am so sorry..." she began.

Matthew held up his hand. "There is no more need for you to apologize than there is for a falcon to apologize for taking a rabbit."

Cora stared at him, stunned. There was no hatred in those blue eyes, just a coldness that made her shiver. She felt the urge to flee. He had it wrong, she was the rabbit. She stood up and started to walk to the door.

Matthew stood up as well. "Why did you come here?" he asked.

"Ah ..ah Mary has a problem" Cora reached the safety of the door "You might be the only person who can help her" and she fled through it.

-0-

The others watched Cora as she left Matthew's office.

"That did not take long" Violet observed.

"I could not ask him" Cora dabbed at her eyes "He was so cold..." she wanted to say 'cruel' but she did not want to alarm Mary.

"I knew it, I should have gone in" Violet stood up. "Let me have that case" she held out her hand to Mary. Mary tried to ignore her "Now! I do not have time for silly games" Mary surrendered the briefcase. Violet headed for Matthew's office. Gwen went to announce her but Violet waved her off "Do not bother, he knows who I am"

O zittre nicht, mein lieber Sohn

Matthew gave Violet a surprised look.

"Excuse me for barging into your office like this. Do be seated" Violet sat down in one of the client chairs.

Matthew sat down. At least the Dowager Countess would get to the point.

"Mary loves you. She always has." She held up her hand to forestall Matthew's protest. "If you had seen her as I saw her when she first heard of that ginger haired fiancee of yours you would know what I mean. After she realized you had left, never to be seen again, she entered into marriage much as a sacrificial maiden walks up to the mouth of the volcano; with much the same result." She reached into the briefcase and pulled out Richard's affidavit and the photographs of Mary. She slid them across the desk to Matthew.

Matthew was still trying to process Violet's first words. Mary loves me? She always has? The photographs said more to him than the words in the documents. He ran his forefinger slowly over the top photograph, over Mary's splayed nose, her blackened eyes. The images screamed at him, the words enraged him. He ran his finger over Sir Richard's big, bold signature on the affidavit. He could feel the blood lust rising in him. He hadn't felt like this since the war. He wondered where his revolver was.

"You want me to kill him" it was statement, not a question. "Where is he?"

Violet drew in her breath. She had thought she would be dealing with the soft, golden retriever Matthew of before the war. She found herself dealing with a warrior, to whom death was but a detail. She scrambled "No, no. I would not shed a tear for him if he were dead but no that is not what Mary wants." Oh she probably does, but not at cost of seeing you hanged.

She paused to let her heart rate slow down. "You loved Mary once, can you find it in your heart to love her once again? What she is going to ask of you will, should, require your love. Do not do it if you do not love her."

"And what is she going to ask of me?"

"It is not my place to tell you. Only she can ask it. And I warn you, you will have to pry it out of her. She is not the Mary you remember. She has been abused to the point where a little dormouse is braver than she is."

"So what do I do?"

"Take her to dinner tonight. Talk to her. Go slow and eventually she will open up. Do not scare her away. And after dinner telephone me at Grantham House, I may have more advice for you."

"This is not going to be a simple thing, is it?"

"No, it may be the momentous thing you ever undertake. Will you do it?"

"I will try"


	4. Chapter 4

Sisyphean Love

Una furtiva lagrima

Matthew looked at Mary. She was dressed in a severe black dress and she wore a veil. He could not see her face. He started to raise his arms, he wanted to hug her so, but he saw her shy away so he dropped them to his sides.

In a soft, soothing voice he said "Please sit down" motioning her towards the chairs. He was careful not to touch her.

She sat down in one of the client chairs. He sat down in the other. She twisted the handkerchief in her hands. He did not know what to do. He did not know what to say.

He reached up slowly with both hands and lifted the veil. He folded it back over her hat. He looked at her face. Her nose had a definite chicane but it did not look as bad as in the photographs on his desk. He realized he had been holding his breath. He sighed. He noticed a tear forming in the corner of her right eye. He took his handkerchief out of his jacket pocket and dabbed at it.

"Now you know why I wear the veil" Mary said in a dead, toneless voice and went to pull it back down.

Matthew put up his hand to stop her, again being careful not to touch her. "Please don't. You were beautiful before. You had a classic beauty, you could have been the model for Aphrodite by Praxiteles. And a thousand other classical statutes from his studio. Now you have an unique beauty, a live beauty; those tiny bends in your nose make you striking. And they draw attention up to your beautiful chocolate eyes" I am lost in those eyes. Again. Whatever you want, I will do.

Mary gave a small smile. How could she not smile. Those blue eyes. She was sinking into those blue eyes. "I do not remember you having such a way with words. You could talk the birds out of the trees." She did not pull the veil down.

"That's good. Because we are going to talk a lot more today. Excuse me for a second."

Matthew got up and went around his desk. He rang Gwen. "Please let the ladies know that Lady Mary will be dining with me tonight"

"Will I?"

Matthew smiled, he heard a hint of cool disdain in those two words, the old Mary was in there somewhere.

"Yes you will" He rang Gwen again. "Please get Anna on the telephone"

Matthew and Mary sat and gazed at each other until the telephone rang,

"Anna? I will be bringing a lady home for dinner... Yes, a real lady... a lady with a capital L...my third cousin ...no, not that closely related...I don't know yet, I'll have to see...Steak Florentine will be fine...just cut a third off of mine" he looked over at Mary "from the looks of her she'll just eat a few bites anyway...I'll ask".

"Do you have any food objections?"

"I am not fond of liver and sweetbreads"

Matthew turned back to the telephone "Stay away from innards and you'll be OK... Anything chocolate will be fine... Could you send Batesy to pick us up right now... I know that dinner is hours away, I have a lot of catching up to do with her... See you then" and he hung up. When he turned back to Mary she gave him that small smile again.

"So who is the master and who is the servant?"

"You can laugh now, give Anna the opportunity and she'll be running your life as well"

-0-

The ride to Matthew's townhouse was quiet. After only the smallest argument Matthew had agreed that Mary could put the veil down. He had tried to tell her that with the veil down she was more conspicuous but to no avail.

When Bates opened the door Matthew stepped out and then offered Mary his arm, She put her hand on his arm but with only the lightest of touches.

He walked her up to the door of the second townhouse from the right in a row of four.

The door opened and a blond haired lady stepped out.

Matthew introduced them. "Lady Mary Carlisle, may I introduce Anna Bates, head housekeeper, cook and warder of Casa Crawley, known universally to the denizens of same as Anna. Feel free to make any request you wish of her and she will do whatever is best for you. I warn you now that what you think is best for you and what she thinks is best for you are not necessarily the same."

Anna gave the barest hint of a curtsey. Mary flashed her small smile.

Matthew continued with his introductions. "And Lady Mary Carlisle, may I introduce John Bates, who answers only to Batesy, husband to Anna, butler, valet, chauffeur, and general dogsbody."

Batesy doffed his hat to Mary.

"Now if you will come along through to the library" Matthew invited Mary.

-0-

Mary found the library to be rather austere. There were no paintings or ornaments. The bookshelves were two thirds empty. The furniture was all straight lines and right angles. There were no curves anywhere. The walls were a medium blue, the trim cream. There were blinds instead of drapes. The only patterns and bright colours were in the Persian carpets on the floor.

She walked up to one of the shelves and ran her finger along it. There was no dust.

"Where I come from libraries are full of books."

"Where you come from someone has spent two hundred years filling them. In the forty years left to me I intend to fill these shelves. Now, in the meantime will you take a seat" Mary sat on the smaller of the two sofas, Matthew in the armchair. "Please tell me what it is that you request of me"

Mary sighed. She looked at Matthew and gave a small shake of her head. "My request does not make any sense unless you know the whole story." She sighed and then did not say anything, she just stared at her hands.

Matthew was just about to prompt her when all of a sudden the door to the library opened and Anna came bustling in with a tray of tea things. Matthew leapt up and took it from her. "Thank you, that will be all for now. We do not want any further interruptions."

"And if the Palace telephones?"

"Tell His Majesty I will telephone him tomorrow"

"You know he gets testy when he is put off"

"He'll just have to get used to it. Now off with you"

"Dinner is at seven"

"We'll see you then. Be gone" Matthew closed the library door on Anna. He wished he could lock the door.

"The Palace?" Mary gave Matthew that small smile of hers.

"A joke of the house." That smile, he knew that smile. He had seen it before. In the Louvre. Mona Mary. He smiled to himself. "Please start telling your story. You have three hours until dinner and believe me you will be served dinner exactly at seven whether you are still talking or not."

Mary started. She spoke in a flat toneless voice with no more inflection than if she were reading the Encyclopedia Britannica's entry on the exports of Albania. She did not look at Matthew, she spoke to the wall. "In the first week of December, 1912 a Turkish diplomat came to Downton Abbey..."


	5. Chapter 5

Sisyphean Love

Dido's Lament

As Mary spoke Matthew's inner smile shrank, shrivelled to dust and blew away grain by grain. The Mary he had known, the Mary he had thought he had known, the Mary he had loved, that Mary did not exist. Perhaps she had never existed.

His Mary had been strong and intelligent. She had been proud and so sure of herself. She had challenged him. She had a beautiful intellect, her good looks were only a bonus. He knew that together they would have been formidable.

But she had put him off and off and off until he could stand the slow motion destruction of his heart no more and he had withdrawn his proposal at that garden party the day the war started. And she had let him believe it was over money and his prospects. She had lied to him by omission. She had not trusted him with the truth. And now she said she was telling him the truth. She loved him so much she sacrificed herself for him. So she said. His honour was saved because she had no honour. Sure. He did not believe her. He did believe she was recklessly stupid. And when caught in her reckless stupidity she wallowed in it in her stubbornness. First with that damn dead Turk and now with this damnable newspaperman.

His Mary would have fought the Turk and she would have escaped. His Mary would have fought this Carlisle and she would have escaped. Not this real Mary. She married this blackmailer and let him have his way with her. He listened to her tell her story in her dull monotone. Her recounting of the violence inflicted on her was not a surprise, he had already read of it in the affidavit her husband had sworn, but he was shocked with the banality of the violence. Her husband struck, or choked, or pinched, or slapped her the way other men called their wives 'dear'. And she had taken it.

He was surprised by the amount of sexual depravity she had had to endure. This beast of a man had put her through every permutation of degradation which could be imagined. All described in a dry clinical manner. Her description of the use of the choke chain dog collar was too much for him. Matthew wanted to scream 'Shut up! I can't stand it!' but he didn't.

He did say "Please stop. I have heard enough". He looked at her. She was sitting with strict formal posture. The handkerchief she had been holding was in shreds. She was trembling. "May I get you some tea?" he asked.

"Please" She continued to stare at the wall.

Matthew poured her a cup and added cream and sugar as she directed. He handed her the cup. He poured himself a cup which he took black.

"Do you have any questions?" she asked.

Yes, why are you back in my life? He thought. There's nothing I can do for you except kill that bastard of a husband for you and your grandmother says you don't want that. "No" he answered.

They drank their tea in silence.

Matthew put his empty cup back on the tea tray. She refused his offer of a refill for her.

"There is one question – the one I asked when we first sat down. What is it that you want me to do for you?"

"I told you my request will not make sense until I have told you my story. You must let me finish."

"If you must, but could you please skip to the last chapter of the Carlisle Decameron."

"If you insist. Some of what happened was told to me by Thomas Barrow, do you remember him? He was one of our footman who served as a medic in the war and was shot in the hand?"

Matthew nodded. Yes he remembered Thomas. He also remembered how Thomas had came to be shot in the hand.

"Anyway, Thomas was working at Haxby Park as the head footman..."


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Mind the gap, there is a large flashback.

_**This chapter contains scenes of extreme domestic violence. Reader discretion is advised. **_

Sisyphean Love

No! Pagliaccio non son!

May 8, 1920

"Where is she?" Sir Richard raged.

"Riding Sir" Chamberlain replied.

Sir Richard had not had a good day. Talks with the printers union had gone wrong that morning after an all night bargaining session. It looked like he was facing a strike. An interminable series of rail journeys from London and then his chauffeur had been late picking him up at Downton station. A flat tire. Hah! He had fired the man as soon as he had reached Haxby Park.

His journey had been fuelled by strong drink not moderated by any food since a hurried dinner the night before. As he travelled he brooded. At first he brooded on the forthcoming labour unrest but as he got closer to Haxby he brooded on Mary.

His marriage to her had not been what he expected. They had never melded into the preeminent couple of London society. She had never given him all her support. Around the margins of every social event they attended she would sprinkle her snide comments mocking him. Always undermining him so that in half the salons of London he was an object of mockery. And in half the clubs on London he was presumed a cuckold because of her shameless flirting. In private he would chastise her, correct her, have her perform penance naked on her knees before him, leave her whimpering on the floor, and still he could not extinguish that last little spark of aristocratic hauteur. The bitch! He poured himself another glass of whiskey.

The barren bitch! Three years of marriage and no children. He was convinced she was doing something to prevent the conception of a heir. She refused to give him a son. Maybe she sensed, or even knew, that if she ever gave him two sons it was off to an asylum for her. Or.. perhaps she could develop a unfortunate fondness for laudanum; it had just been made illegal, but surely there were still suppliers and black markets being what they are there was always a chance of taking a too strong a dose. So sad. And after six months or so as the grieving widower he could take a more fertile bride. After all he done for her, saved her reputation, this is how she repaid him, it would serve her right. He drained his glass.

And she wasn't present to greet him! That was one of her duties! Gone riding! He would teach her! That horse was going to be put down tomorrow! She wanted riding, he would ride her! Tonight he would use the choke chain and riding crop on her. "Let me know the moment she gets back" he commanded and then poured himself another drink. He was going to show her, it was about time she learned once and for all that ...

"Lady Carlisle has returned"

Richard looked at Chamberlain through blurry eyes. It was about time. He put his glass down and got up. He staggered into the hall. There she was. Dressed in those indecent riding breeches. Cheeks all rosy and a smile on her face which disappeared when she saw the look on his face.

"Why weren't you here when I arrived?" he demanded.

"I am sorry I missed you" she replied in a tone that said to him that she wasn't really.

Insolent bitch he thought. "I won't miss you" and he gave her a backhanded blow across her face which staggered her but did not knock her down.

She raised her hand to her face. "Please not my face; I am sorry; I will do anything you want." she cried.

Her face. Her insolent face. Richard hit Mary as hard as he could square on her nose. There was a crack and blood spraying everywhere. She fell to the marble floor. She lay there whimpering in an arc of scarlet. "Shut up you bitch" he swore. He kicked her as hard as he could in her middle.

He would have kicked her again but Chamberlain had him by the arms and was turning him away. He shook off the restraint. He pointed at Mary writhing on the floor. "No one is to help her" he commanded "Let the bitch crawl on her own to her bed." He went back into the library to the waiting whiskey.


	7. Chapter 7

Sisyphean Love

Parto, parto, ma tu, ben mio

Thomas witnessed all of this. It took less than a minute; he would not have had time to intervene but he still cursed himself for the coward he was all the same. He had never seen Sir Richard in so foul a mood. He feared that there was more to come.

He ran and got some clean towels. Then he ran towards Lady Mary.

Mrs. Shaw, the housekeeper, tried to stop him. "Thomas leave her be, it'll mean your job."

"To hell with the job"

Thomas knelt by Lady Mary. She was whimpering. Thank God, he had worried she had been knocked unconscious.

"Lady Mary, it's Thomas. Can you hear me?"

There was a muffled yes.

"We have to get you out of here. Can you walk?"

"I think so" she said in a very small voice.

He helped her to her feet. With the one towel he had wet he wiped some of the blood away on her face. Her nose had been cauliflowered. He shuddered. He had seen worse in the war but never on a woman.

With his arm around her he walked to the main door and then outside.

He wished he could drive. If he could he'd steal an auto and get her away from Haxby. Then he remembered that she still had her riding gear on.

"Milady do you think you can ride?"

"My horse? ...yes I think so"

"Good" Thomas lead her to the stable. There was no one there. The groom had already left for his supper. Diamond had been washed down and fed. Thomas realized that Lady Mary must have watched it being done which is why she had been late getting back to the house.

"Milady you will have to talk me through saddling him" and Mary did with a strained voice as she sat on a stool and leaned against the stable wall, holding the towel to her face.

Thomas helped her mount up. "Milady, do you think you can make it to Downton Abbey from here?"

Mary was not sure she could, but she would try. She could not sit up straight, her middle hurt so, she would have to ride hunched over. "Yes, once I get to the property line Diamond will know the rest of the way."

"Is there a back way you can take? They may come after you on the roads"

"Yes" she reached over and touched Thomas on the shoulder. "And what about you?"

"I'll sneak up the back way and get my stuff and then walk into Downton"

"Come to the Abbey, we will care of you"

"Thank you milady and good luck"

"No, thank you"

Thomas watched Lady Mary walk Diamond out of the stable and then turn north towards Downton Abbey. Then he snuck back into the Great House and up the back stairs to his room. He peeled off his monkey suit and put on some clothes more appropriate for the long walk to Downton Abbey. He packed his suitcase and then he was off down the stairs. He stopped in the kitchen and stole a couple of baps for the road. He could hear a hullabaloo emanating from upstairs. No doubt looking for Lady Mary, and maybe him. He laughed, well let them look. She was well away and he was out of here. And he went through the back door into the night.

-0-

Carson was locking the main door for the night when he heard something out on the gravel drive. He opened the door. There before him was Diamond with Lady Mary slumped in the saddle. He walked carefully up to the horse who did not shy away.

"Carson, I made it home" her voice was so low he could just make it out.

"Yes milady you did. Now could you please let go of the reins" He reached up and she slid off Diamond into his arms.

He carried her into the hall. He was shocked by the sight of Lady Mary's face. He saw Mrs. Hughes. "Elsie please call Dr. Clarkson and then get the family back downstairs. I will take her into the drawing room"

"What do you think happened?"

"It must of been some kind of riding accident.. Now please hurry and telephone" Elsie scurried off.

Carson went into library and laid Lady Mary on the long sofa. Her face was a bloody mess and then he noticed blood in the crotch of her riding breeches. My God, what had happened?

Just then Robert, Cora and Edith swept into the room.

"Oh Mary what has happened?" Cora noticed the same bloody mess that Carson had seen. "Mrs. Hughes, get some scissors so we can cut these breeches off her. Carson get some blankets and have one of the maids bring a basin of warm water and some towels in here. Robert go wait in your study."

-0-

Robert paced in the hall waiting for Dr. Clarkson to finish tending to Mary.

He heard the door to the drawing room open and turned around. Dr. Clarkson came out with Cora.

"How is she?" asked Robert.

"Let us go into the library" Cora motioned and Robert followed her there.

"Robert, before Dr. Clarkson gives you his diagnosis you should know that Mary told us that Richard did this to her."

What?"

"He beat her"

"Why the ... " Robert turned as if he were heading to Haxby straight away but Cora grabbed his arm.

"Wait and hear what he did to her." she nodded at the doctor.

"Her nose is badly broke, I fear that it will never be the same. Her cheekbone might be as well. I would like to get it x-rayed tomorrow. I would recommend that as soon as she is able to travel you get her down to London; there are consultants there who might be able do something for her. But that is not the worst that was done to her."

He paused then continued. "When Sir Richard kicked her in her midsection he caused her to miscarry. I would say that she was about two months along. Lady Mary said she did not know she was with child. She is stable now but again I would like her to see a consultant to determine if permanent damage has been done in that area."

Robert was getting redder and redder. Dr. Clarkson feared for his blood pressure.

"I am going to ..." swore Robert but Cora interrupted him.

"No you won't. This is a job for the police. Telephone the Chief Constable and get him over here." and she pushed him towards the telephone. She then turned to Dr. Clarkson to discuss Mary's care.


	8. Chapter 8

Sisyphean Love

Me voici!

May 9, 1920

Detective Frost stood giving his report to the Earl of Grantham.

"On the way to Haxby Park we stopped and picked up a Thomas Barrow who was walking along the round. He was the footman at Haxby who helped Lady Mary."

"Yes, I know who he is. Please continue"

"When we arrived at Haxby Park we found that Sir Richard Carlisle had already fled the scene with his butler. Mr. Barrow walked us through the events of yesterday evening. Sir Richard had been drinking. When Lady Mary arrived came in from riding, he confronted her, backhanded her; struck her in the face with his fist and knocked her down and then kicked her while she was down. The housekeeper corroborated Barrow's account. And both Mr. Barrow's account and the housekeeper's account corroborate Lady Mary's account. We found evidence of blood stains on the hall floor and a blood stained towel in the stable. We have enough evidence to charge Sir Richard with assault causing grievous bodily harm."

"So what now?"

"Tomorrow we will obtain a warrant, travel down to London and arrest Sir Richard"

"May I go with you?"

"That would not be wise, Your Lordship"

"I do not suppose so. Please keep me posted."

-0-

Richard sat sipping a cup of very strong tea. He was very hungover. He did not want to listen to his solicitor Fogg go on and on about something that amounted to little more than a marital spat.

"You consider the incident no more than an example of a husband chastising his wife"

Richard nodded "More or less"

"Yet your butler thought it was so serious that he bundled you into your auto and brought you back to London. In the law we call that fleeing the scene of the crime. So serious that you are sitting in my garden on a Sunday afternoon hoping somehow I will be able to pull a rabbit out of my hat to save you." Richard tried to interrupt but Fogg held up his hand. "Let me finish. You left your wife slumped on the floor after having hit her twice with your hands and kicking her once."

"I just slapped her. She tripped and fell"

"Please do not lie to me. Clients think that if they lie to their lawyers they will be able to successfully lie to a jury. It does not work that way. I have talked to your butler. I know what he saw and what he will testify to at your trial. And do not try to bribe him or threaten him. He is already in jeopardy with respect to being an accessory after the fact. While you were on your way here I telephoned your housekeeper at Haxby Park. She corroborated the butler's testimony. She also told me she had given the police the same story. You hurt your wife badly. You are lucky you did not kill her. If I were you I would anticipate spending the next few years in a cell."

Richard was sober now. "So what are my options?"

Fogg shrugged "Start running, although in this age of the telephone and telegraph, the police will track you down; or fight the charges at trial. It would be a sensation. I gather from the butler that there has been a history of marital chastisement?" Richard nodded. "The whole history will come out as your barrister tries to destroy your wife's reputation in an effort to justify what you undeniably did. Meantime the newspapers, and you will know this better than I..." again Richard nodded" will be having a field day running their own parallel trials in print. You know what that will do to your reputation. Even if you are found not guilty, you will never be received again in polite society."

Richard sighed. He knew what that bitch would say against him. He would be ruined. His investors would desert him. He might as well run.

"Or.. there is a third option..." Fogg drawled.

Richard snapped his head up "What is it?"

"Buy your wife off"

Richard stared at his lawyer. "She hates me. Her family is wealthy. She doesn't need my money"

"Everyone has a price" Fogg said with the assurance of someone who had practised law for more than thirty five years. "All you are really saying is that her price will be high. How much are you willing to pay to have her drop the charges and agree to a quiet divorce?"

"I don't know. I suppose I could raise ten thousand pounds.."

Fogg shook his head. "Think half"

"What do you mean half, only five thousand pounds?"

"Half of everything you own, if you are lucky"

"That's outrageous. I won't do it. I earned everything I own, I'm not giving half to that bitch." Richard stood up as if to leave.

Fogg remained seated. "Fine, let us go back to considering your first two options."

Richard sat down again. "It's worth a try."

"Do you know the name of the Crawley's solicitor? I think it is time we disturbed his Sunday afternoon"

"Murray"


	9. Chapter 9

Sisyphean Love

Der Hölle Rache kocht in meinem Herzen

Robert knocked on Mary's door. Cora opened it and he went in. His mother was sitting beside the bed patting Mary's hand.

"How are you doing?"

"Leaving aside the obvious I am fine" Mary gave him a brave smile.

Robert found it hard to look at her with her nose askew, and both eyes blackened. "I just received the most extraordinary telephone call from Murray"

"How so?" asked Cora.

"He received a telephone call from Sir Richard's solicitor."

"And?" interrupted Cora.

"Sir Richard wants to settle"

"What do you mean settle?" cried Mary "I want him to suffer like I have".

"My feelings exactly. I would have told Murray that straight away but it is of course your decision. I will telephone Murray back and tell him" Robert turned to leave the room.

"Wait a minute. Let us not be too hasty. What was the proposed settlement?"

They all looked at Violet.

"Mother, how could you even think of settling? After what that bastard, excuse my French, did to Mary?"

Violet was unperturbed. "For Mary's sake we must take the long view. If she does not settle what happens? There is a trial. If you are Sir Richard's lawyers how do you defend him? By destroying Mary. Do we want that? Do we want all the dirty linen to be aired in public?" Robert did not know of the sexual abuse Mary had suffered, but Violet and Cora did, they had seen the scars on Mary's back and she had told them of the circumstances under which she had sustained them. "Besides you know how money proud he is; if you want to punish him take his money"

"What is he offering?" Mary asked in a small voice.

"Haxby Park in return for you dropping the charges and agreeing to a quiet divorce"

"If he is offering that much to start he will go higher" Violet was almost rubbing her hands together with glee. "Do you know the extent of his assets?" she asked Mary.

"I think so, whenever I could I looked through papers he brought home"

"Excellent, let us pluck this gander"

-0-

"I have some good news and some bad news"

"Give me the good news first"

"Your wife is prepared to discuss settlement of this matter..."

"And the bad news is?"

"It seems that she does not trust you and so as a token of good faith she wants you to swear an affidavit in which you confess to all of the physical, but not the sexual, abuse you have inflicted on her" Fogg curled his lip at the thought of what that last qualification implied.

"That is outrageous!"

"It is nonnegotiable. Your wife will hold the affidavit as surety for your good conduct after the charges are dropped and the divorce granted. If you do anything untoward against her or her family she will publish the affidavit"

Richard was speechless. The bitch! "It will take some time to prepare"

"I am to deliver a draft to Murray by nine o'clock tomorrow morning."

"What you mean draft?"

"It seems your wife wants to ensure you do not leave anything out"

"I'll have to work all night"

"The alternative is hours in solitary writing your prison memoirs" Fogg peered at Richard over his bifocals. "Your call"

May 10, 1920

Murray had read the draft affidavit on the train trip to Downton. It did not read like the dry legal papers he was used to. Sir Richard had told the story as if he were reporting it. The who did what to whom, when and where. The why was missing as was any contrition. If anything there was a sense of justification and entitlement running throughout. It had made his blood boil. If he were Lady Mary's father he would not let her settle, he would kill Sir Richard instead. Slowly.

He watched Lady Mary read the affidavit. Before finishing the first page she asked for a pencil and she starting marking up the draft. She did not say anything as she read. She did not shake her head, he imagined that it would be painful from the looks of her face; she made no gestures; she could have been reading a lease or a mortgage, for all the emotion she presented. When she finished she handed the draft back to Murray.

"Give him twenty four hours to provide you with two sworn copies of the affidavit. Make sure they include the changes I have made to the draft". Mary handed Murray a letter. "These are my final terms. When you receive the affidavit give them to him. He can have another twenty four hours to accept them."

Murray was impressed with the coldness and clarity with which Lady Mary instructed him. This was Boudica giving orders to one of her tribesmen. He just hoped that it would not end as badly for her.

-0-

"Your wife will settle." Fogg peered over his glasses at Sir Richard. "Firstly you are to sell Haxby Park and all associated lands, leases, chattels and choses in action, including the barley contracts..."

"How did that bitch know about those contracts?"

Fogg ignored the interruption "with the proviso you discharge the household staff, giving them good characters and six months pay in lieu of notice, with the exception of a Thomas Barrow to whom you are to pay two years pay.."

"Well it's steep but I can live with it..."

"Oh there's more ... you are to sell your art collection, your library and all your wife's jewellery at auction." Fogg waved a sheet in the air "She has helpfully attached an inventory of the main items"

"There's no way I..."

Fogg held up his hand "The net sale proceeds.." he paused as he anticipated Sir Richard's reaction " and a further two hundred and fifty thousand pounds cash are then to be paid to a Swiss numbered bank account, the particulars of which will be provided to us." Fogg admired that last, it was a brilliant move on Lady Carlisle's part to move the funds beyond the reach of Sir Richard and the British courts.

"That's ... that's everything I own except the newspapers and Carlisle House and I'm going to have to mortgage them .. I can't .. I can't. Offer her..."

"I repeat myself. Your wife's demands are nonnegotiable. Accept or see her in court.. You have until 4:00 o'clock tomorrow afternoon to accept." Fogg paused "While you are contemplating your choices you may wish to consider that evidence will be brought at your trial that when you kicked your wife you caused her to miscarry..."

"She was pregnant?"

"So it seems. If you are convicted your fellow denizens of Wormwood Scrubs will not be impressed that you did that to a woman."


	10. Chapter 10

Sisyphean Love

Sull'aria...che soave zeffiretto

May 11, 1920

"That's good ... That would be fair ...Yes, I will ask my father.. Thank you for all you have done ... Good bye"

Mary turned to see her parents standing behind her, Carson lurking discretely in the background.

"Murray says Richard has accepted my terms"

They looked at her. "What did you mean 'that would be fair'?" her father asked.

"Richard asked for three months to raise the money. He is going to have to mortgage his remaining property to pay me out."

Her father nodded. "And what are you going to ask me?"

"Could you get the Chief Constable to hold the warrant until then?"

"Yes, certainly"

And with that the last drop of adrenaline which had been fuelling Mary's survival since Thomas had helped her onto Diamond left her system and she fainted. Her father caught her before she hit the floor and he carried her to her bedroom.

August 21, 1920

As time passed Mary's physical wounds healed. The best surgeons in Britain did what they could for her face although they could not restore the perfect line of her nose. But as time passed Mary's mental wounds worsened. She insisted on dressing in black and wearing a veil. She looked and acted like a grieving widow. She would not go out; she did not read; she did not listen to music; she would not socialize. She would not tolerate any mention of the miscarriage. She worried Richard was coming after her to the point where her father had to arrange for bodyguards for her. She second guessed the settlement. She took to sitting silently for hours on end worrying handkerchiefs to shreds.

Then the day came she she had been dreading.

Murray attended on her at Grantham House.

"Everything for the settlement is in place" Murray told her "Haxby Park and its related assets have been sold; the staff there have already been paid off; the collections have been auctioned off at Sotheby's and Sir Richard's solicitor is holding the net sale proceeds and a further two hundred fifty thousand pounds in trust. All that remains is to go through the divorce and drop the criminal charges. In this regard I hereby serve you with his Petition for Divorce" and he handed her a legal document "I will file a pro forma Answer on your behalf."

Mary glanced through the document. "His ground for divorcing me is adultery?"

"Yes, there must be some grounds for the divorce."

"What happens now?"

"The divorce hearing will be scheduled as soon as the autumn sitting of the courts commence. His solicitor and I have agreed to have it as late as possible on a Friday afternoon so as reduce the publicity. We are aiming for September 24th"

"Will I have to attend?"

"Certainly, you must admit to committing adultery."

"But I cannot..."

Misunderstanding her objection Murray assured her "You will not have to give any details. You will be just asked if you know what adultery is; whether you committed it; and if you knew the name of the person you did it with." noticing her puzzlement he clarified "if it was only once with a person not known to you the court could refuse to grant the divorce on the grounds of connivance."

"I see"

-0-

At teatime Violet found Mary sitting alone in the drawing room. She instructed Carson to serve them there and then leave. She noticed Mary was still clutching the legal document although it was now badly mangled. She poured Mary some tea and then reached over and patted Mary's hand.

"Soon it will be finished and you can start living again"

"There is a problem" Mary said in her dull voice.

"How so?"

"I have to testify that I have committed adultery."

Violet looked at her.

"I have never been unfaithful to Richard." Mary continued.

There was a long pause until Violet suggested "You can say you had"

"And perjure myself? I will not lie"

There was another long pause "So you can walk away from the settlement or..."

"Or what?"

"Commit adultery in the next month"

Mary stared at her. "And how do I go about that?"

"In the usual way I presume, there must be some man you fancy..."

"There is no one. All men are pigs. I will never be with another man again!" Seeing the sceptical look on her grandmother's face she added "I assure you my experience of the act has not been at all pleasurable"

Violet stirred her tea, waiting for Mary to calm down. She had one more suggestion to make.

"There is someone. Someone you loved once. Someone who is available..."

Realization dawned on Mary. "No, no, no..."

"Well who else then?" Violet snapped.


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: In England prior to 1937 (this story takes place in 1920) a woman could not petition for divorce merely on grounds of adultery, as men could; she required additional grounds, such as cruelty. Proof of cruelty would involve a messy public trial, something Mary and her family wished to avoid._

Sisyphean Love

Libiamo ne' lieti calici

August 23, 1920

"You want me to ..to..." Matthew's mind whirled.

Mary stood up. "Where is your bedroom?" Let's get it over with she thought then I can go home and douche and wash men out of my life forever.

He stared at her slack jawed. It was too much. After listening, reading, seeing the abomination that was Mary's life to be propositioned by her in such a manner was much too grotesque for him to withstand. He wanted to laugh. It was so bizarre. He had listened to this whole maniacal storey expecting the denouement would be a request that he kill her husband, which he was prepared to do, request or not, and instead she had asked him... she had asked him to bed her. Forthwith. And that was all, there was no hint of any 'lived happily ever after'. He was being asked to stand at stud. Gratis. He had thought he had freed himself of the House of Grantham and to be reconnected with it in this way was a cosmic joke. This had to end.

He could not look at her. He got up and started walking to the door. "Thanks, but no thanks. Come on, I'll drive you back to Grantham House" he said over his shoulder. Then he noticed that she was standing there, not making any sound but sobbing so hard he could see ripples running down her body; tears were streaming down her face.

He went to her and hugged her to him. She did not respond. She was as rigid as a post.

"Mary, Mary, Mary" he murmured into her hair. He lead her back to the sofa, and lifting her up, sat down with her on his lap, cuddling her, rocking her.

That was where Anna found them at six when she came to announce dinner was ready. She decided to come back later. She did reset the dining room table, moving Mary's place setting from the end of the table opposite Matthew's, to just around the corner of the table from his place.

-0-

It took Matthew two hours, and a promise 'to think about it' to calm Mary down. During that time he had felt as if he were suffering a recurrence of the paralysis he had suffered at the end of the war; her weight on his lap, slight though it was, had cut off the circulation to his legs.

"Tonight is out of the question" he said.

She nodded her agreement against his chest.

"After dinner I will take you home and then we can try again in a few days." As a lawyer he knew that sometime delay could make the most intractable problems go away.

"I'm not hungry"

"Anna will never let me hear the end of it if you do not make a show of eating a few bites."

With the hand which was not clutching his handkerchief she was tracing the most disconcerting circles on his chest. "Could I stay here tonight?"

"Ah .. ah"

"Please"

"What about clothes and such?"

"I can phone Grantham House and have something sent over"

"That reminds me, I was supposed to telephone your grandmother to let her know how you were getting on. I'll do so while you freshen up."

Mary got up off his lap. Matthew pushed himself up. His legs were like posts. He stumbled.

"Are you okay?"

"My legs just went to sleep, they'll be fine in a minute if I keep moving."

-0-

"So have you agreed to do what she asks of you?" Violet asked.

Matthew stared for five beats at the telephone before answering. "I said I would think about it."

"Well that is a good start."

"She wants to stay here tonight."

"That is a very good start. Have your man come by at eight tomorrow morning and I send some clothes for her."

"What about tonight?"

"Surely you have some pyjamas she can wear, or not. You both will make do."

-0-

Mary discovered she was very hungry. The act of telling her story had been like shifting the load of it onto Matthew. It was no longer her problem. She was free. For the first time in months the dark cloud over her was gone. And she was ravenous. The reheated Florentine Steak and vegetables were divine. Anna was a marvellous cook. She cleaned her plate and then started making envious glances at Matthew's plate. He was just toying with his food. He did not seem to have much appetite. He was in a reverie.

"I know it is improper" Mary smiled to herself, this was a day for improper requests "but do you mind if I have a little bit of your steak and maybe some of the ..."

Matthew snapped awake. He looked at his plate and then at hers. He switched plates with her.

"If you keep eating like that Anna will love you."

"She is an excellent cook"

"Don't let her hear that, she'll want a raise"

"Whatever you are paying her, she deserves more"

"Deserves what?" Anna came into the dining room carrying a small chocolate torte.

"Our apologizes for keeping you going so late. Please call it a night. We can serve ourselves."

Anna left, but not before Mary complimented her to the heavens. Matthew could see that Mary had made a conquest there.

Matthew watched Mary finish his meal and then start eyeing the torte.

"How big a piece would you like?"

"Why don't you just put it between us and we can start on the ends and meet in the middle."

As it happened they met more towards Matthew's end. Much more.

"Do you always eat like this?" he asked with a smile. She had some cake crumb just below her lip. He wondered if he should, could brush it off. Nibble it off. His head started moving towards her.

"No, but I could if it was all this good." She was watching his lips. His voice was so soft, his lips must be the same. Her head started moving towards his.

They kissed over the remains of the torte. Tentative at first and then her hand went up to his head and she pulled him towards her.

Ad then he broke off. He stared at her. She looked disappointed. She had awoken a hunger in him. It was not right. Not after what he had heard tonight.

"It's too early for bed ..." she gave him that small smile. He got flustered. "I mean ah .. ah let's go into the library and.. talk"

-0-

Mary sat on the short sofa, Matthew in the easy chair. Neither knew what to say.

After three long minutes of uncomfortable silence Matthew stood up.

"I don't think I told Anna you are staying tonight. While I'm gone take off your shoes and stockings." He turned to leave.

"Pardon me? What did you say?"

"I'm going to tell..."

"No, the last part."

"Take off your shoes and stockings"

Mary tilted her head at him.

"Bear with me"

Matthew left. Mary sat bemused for a minute then she got up, kicked off her shoes, hitched up her dress and started unhooking her stockings from her garter belt. Compared to the request she had made of him his request was not that unreasonable. She shrugged to herself. In for a penny in for a pound. She got her stockings off and sat waiting for him. Even though the room was warm in the August evening she felt goose pimples on her bare legs.

When Matthew came back he was carrying a pillow and an afghan blanket. He put the pillow at one end of the long sofa.

"Come lay down" he gestured at the pillow.

Mary looked at the pillow and then at him. Was this it? "Is it proper..."

"We are already well past proper. Come and lay down"

Mary walked over to the long sofa and laid down. Matthew spread the blanket over her then he sat down at the other end. He picked up her feet and rested them on his leg.

"What are you doing?"

"Shh, you talk too much"

Matthew picked up her right foot in his left hand. With his right forefinger he started at her heel and lightly traced around the outside of her foot; pausing at each toe and then finishing back at her heel. Then he flexed each toe; then her arches and lastly her ankle. He slowly moved his fingertips across the sole. It was not ticklish but it still made her tingle. He rubbed his forefinger between each pair of toes; slowly. Oh so slowly.

"What..."

"Hush"

He bent his head down and she thought he was going to kiss her foot but instead he put his nose so close to her toes she could feel him breathing. He inhaled deeply, held it for a moment and then gently exhaled, his hot breath running down the channels between her toes across the top of her foot and then up her bare leg to ... She shut her eyes and felt her body humming.

Matthew put down her right foot, picked up up her left foot and repeated the process. Her right foot felt cold, left out and ... jealous.

He put her left foot back down on his leg. He started massaging her right foot with one hand and her left foot with his other hand. He stared ahead, he seemed to be in a trance.

"I told you of my life, you must tell me of yours."

"That doesn't necessarily follow"

He quit massaging her feet. She gave him a nudge with her right foot to get him started again.

"Please" she pleaded "I would like to know"

After such a while that she almost asked him again he said "I survived the war, that about sums it up."

Without thinking she said "You have done rather well for yourself" meaning the house and office; only realizing her mistake when he pushed her feet off his leg.

"My son is dead. My wife is dead. My mother is dead. My father-in-law is dead. My friends are dead. All I did was survive." He went all rigid.

Mary sat up and moved to his side. "I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that." She could see a tear forming in the corner of his eye. She took his head in her hands and kissed him. "Please forgive me" She lifted up his right arm and snuggled under it. She could feel his rigidity soften and then he pulled the blanket over her legs and hugged her closer.

She waited until he had started playing with her hair to ask "What was your wife like?"

He waited a long time to answer, but he did not quit playing with her hair.

"She was very sweet..."

"You had a very happy married life"

"Yes, but to be fair, it was not like we had a regular married life. It was more like.." he had to think a moment, counting the leaves they were together "six honeymoons strung together."

"Did you ever do to her what Richard did to me?"

"Good heavens no. I never hit her, I never..."

"No, I meant the things he did to... made me do ... in bed... and elsewhere..."

"No... we were very ah... traditional in what we did" Matthew was too ashamed to admit that he would have liked to have done some of the things Mary had described, without the violence, with a willing participant, of course, but Lavinia had insisted on doing it only the one way and he had never made an issue of it.

"You must think I am a horrid person for having done some of those things..."

He tilted her head up with his hand. Their faces were only about four inches apart. He could feel her breath on his face. "You must never ever think that. You were forced. Think of that chocolate torte we had for dessert. You loved it" She nodded. "You wouldn't have loved it if I would have jammed it down your throat" She shook her head. "That's the difference, never forget it." Their faces were closer yet. "Now I would like to kiss you if you will allow me..." She stopped him talking with her lips.

She twisted around so she was laying across his lap. She looked up at him. "Would you like to do some of those things with me?"

He noticed she said 'with' not 'to'. He bent his head down and kissed her to give himself time to think of an answer. He realized he loved her but he did not know if he liked her enough to surrender his life to her. If they did any of those things, even the traditional one, it could only be if they were together forever. He could spend eternity with his ideal Mary but what of this emotional mess? Whom was the real Mary? He imagined that if he ever teased her or argued with her she would fall to pieces. Every day would be a walk through a mine field. "Small steps first. Let's start with kisses and see where it leads us. Now it's been a long day, let's get you to bed" she gave him that small smile "to sleep"

"And perchance to dream?"

"Good dreams only, sweet dreams. Now can you walk or do you want me to carry you?"

"I will walk. Will you tuck me in?"

"Yes" and he kissed her again. Then he walked her up the stairs.


	12. Chapter 12

Sisyphean Love

Sous le dôme épais

August 24, 1920

Mary awoke from the best sleep she had had in years. She had not had to worry about Richard hitting her or violating her. She had not had her family and the servants fluttering about her until she was frazzled. She was at peace.

She lay in the middle of the big bed and looked around Matthew's bedroom. It was decorated in the same utilitarian style as the downstairs. And the bedroom furniture the same plain, straight line style. There were no paintings, no ornaments, no.. wait there was some thing on top of the armoire.

She got out of bed. She had to roll up the legs of the pyjamas Matthew had given her to wear before she could walk. Even on her tiptoes she could not see what the object was so she pulled a chair over and stood on it.

The object was a small bronze sculpture. It was of a half naked woman chained to a post being rescued by what looked to be a Greek warrior from some sort of sea monster. It had to be a depiction of some Greek myth but Mary could not remember off hand which one it was.

Anna's knock on the door caught Mary standing on the chair pondering the sculpture.

"Your Ladyship's clothes have arrived. If you wouldn't mind stepping into the bathroom for a moment I will have Batesy bring the trunks in"

"Trunks?"

"Yes there are three trunks and two suitcases"

Her grandmother must have sent her whole wardrobe over."Where will you put them?"

Anna pointed to a door Mary had not noticed the last night. "This will be your closet" and she showed Mary a large cedar lined walk in closet. It did not look like it had ever been used.

Mary had a long glorious shower. The shower was even better than the ones at Haxby. When she came out Anna was still unpacking and putting the clothes away. As she picked out an outfit for the day she realized that these were all Richard's clothes, he had had definite ideas about what she could wear; these clothes branded her as his. "Anna please do not unpack any more" She would have to get a new wardrobe.

Anna served Mary a light breakfast of tea and a scone in the dining room. Mary imagined Matthew dining all alone day after day. "Does Mr. Crawley entertain often?" she asked Anna.

"You are the first guest Matthew has had here." When Mary looked askance at her familiarity Anna explained "He insists that Batesy and I use his Christian name, he says we are the only family he has left."

Until the prodigal cousin showed up at his office. Christian name? Well in Rome... "Then in that case please call me Mary. I am his first guest? How long has he lived here?"

"We moved here about six months ago, after Mr. Swire died. He had been living in Mr. Swire's house but he said it was too big and had too many ghosts. Lavinia, Matthew's wife, and his baby died of the influenza there you know." Mary shook her head, she had known, but had not thought it through. "Anyway" Anna continued "Mr. Swire had purchased this block of townhouses for Matthew and Lavinia as a wedding present. A war profiteer was renovating it for himself but he went broke doing so and Mr. Swire was able to snap it up for a song. Long story short Matthew decided to start over here and sell the other house."

"So Matthew owns all four townhouses?"

"Actually there are only three, this one is a double one, one of the front doors is fake, it's just there to maintain an uniform look on the outside. He rents out the other two townhouses"

"Did he bring the furniture from the old house?"

"No he got all new furniture, I forget the name of it, it's some Yankee style. Not really to my taste. Anna squinted at Mary. "Or are you really asking if Lavinia ever slept in that bed you just slept in, or ever ate at this table or ever sat on that sofa you two cuddled on last night?"

Mary could feel herself blushing. "I ah...ah"

Anna reached over and patted her on the hand. "She didn't. She never saw any of this. The only place here her ghost might be is in a couple of trunks in the back bedroom upstairs. She's been gone two years now. He's ready to move on. Be gentle with him. He's a good man, don't break his heart again."

"Again?" Mary was shocked that Anna seemed to know about ...

"I said Batesy and I are his family. Matthew and us had a long talk about you and him this morning over breakfast. You didn't think I was going to let him move some floozie in did you?"

What did he tell them?

"Don't worry" Anna reassured Mary, having read her mind, or at least her face, "he didn't go into detail, he just told us enough to get us on board." Anna stood up and and started clearing the table. "Oh and I should let you know that Matthew takes his meals with us in the kitchen."

-0-

Mary grew more and more anxious waiting for Matthew to come home from work. It was not the same anxiety she experienced waiting for Richard. That anxiety arose, not from the fear of being hurt, that was a certainty, but from the how. Some hurts were worse then others. No this anxiety was that he would not smile at her. That might be the worse hurt of all.

When the anticipated time came for his arrival Mary was pacing in the hall to the extent that Anna expressed a concern about a path being worn in the carpet. She need not have worried. When the front door opened and Matthew saw her, after he had taken off his bowler, his smile rivalled the sun.

"Mary, how are you" he said coming towards her. He took Mary by the shoulders intending to give her a chaste kiss on her forehead but she tilted her head up and intercepted his kiss with her lips.

"I am very fine thank you. Did you have a good day?"

"It was a busy day, I am trying to clear my calendar so I can take a few days off. To spend with you" and he kissed her again.

"I take it we do not dress for dinner"

"No, not to dine in the kitchen" He waited for her shocked reaction but he then realized she knew already. "Anna told you"

"Yes. I look forward to it. I have never dined in a kitchen and I look forward to it. And it is just as well we do not dress, all my clothes are Richard's clothes and they make my skin crawl."

"Then we will have to get you a new wardrobe."

"I cannot go shopping for clothes; someone who knows me will tell Richard they saw me and he will find me."

"Ah, you are making the mistake of assuming that you will be acquiring the wardrobe of an upper class lady. Tomorrow you and Anna will go shopping for the ready to wear clothes of a middle class wife of a solicitor. And you will get your hair bobbed..."

"But I cannot cut my hair..."

"It will grow back. And you will get yourself a pair of horn rimmed eyeglasses."

"But I do not need glasses..."

"Plain glass. The bridge of the glasses will hide that little kink in your nose" Matthew touched the kink with the tip of his finger. His touch made her tingle. "And when you are done you will be able to walk past your mother on the high street in Downton and she will not recognize you."

She gave him that small smile. "My mother was always worried you would drag me down into the middle class."

"It is just until you are past this thing with Sir Richard."

-0-

It may have been the best dinner party Mary had ever attended. The four of them around the kitchen table, enjoying the veal picatta, laughing, talking over each other. The main topic was the extent to which Mary's hair should be bobbed. At first Mary was reticent about joining in but Matthew jollied her along and when Anna declared that she was going to get her hair bobbed too, to Batesy's fervent opposition, Mary joined in her defence and gave as good as she got. She had never been so exhilarated after a meal.

At last Matthew and Mary adjourned to the library.

"Should I take off my stockings?" she asked with a smile.

"Tonight you have a choice. I can rub your feet, although I warn you your calves may come into play; or, I can massage your head and run my fingers through your soon to be shorn hair."

"I think I will go with the hair tonight, perhaps tomorrow you can do my calves."

"I would be delighted to" Matthew leered.

Matthew sat at one end of the long sofa, laid a pillow on his lap and invited Mary to lay down.

As she did she asked "Why the pillow? Isn't your lap soft enough?"

"You may not find it so"

Matthew started to run his fingers through her hair, working from her forehead back. He quickly ran into an obstruction and started to tug at it. "Stop" Mary yelped. She sat up, pulled the pins out of her hair, shook her head, flicking Matthew in the face in the process and laid back down. "Continue"

"I should apologize for how subdued we were at dinner. Once Batesy and Anna warm up to you things will get livelier."

"Subdued? I never seen a meal more boisterous"

"Wait until Anna starts talking with her hands"

"She does seem rather Italian"

"Don't let her blond hair fool you, she is full blooded Italian. Her family ran one of the best Italian restaurants in London. Sometime, when she has few glasses of Chianti in her ask her how she met Batesy."

In a abrupt change of topic Mary said "Last night you told me you were going to sleep in the guest room"

"Yes"

"Anna gave me a complete tour of the house. And the only beds in this house are the one I slept in and hers and Bateys'. So where did you sleep last night?"

"On this sofa, under this blanket,on this pillow" which carried your faint scent he thought. Don't ask me about my dreams.

"I want you to sleep with me tonight"

"Isn't it too soon?"

"Maybe for.. for that. But we can just cuddle... and sleep together"

"There is no such thing as 'just cuddling' thought Matthew. He did not have the patience of Job. How could he resist temptation? "We'll give it a try, but no promises" He wondered if he could control his inner Visigoth.

They did not talk. Mary laid there and Matthew scratched her head, rubbed her temples, played with her ears. She turned so she was laying on her side with her face towards his middle. He thought of the story of the princess and the pea and hoped that the pillow was a thick enough mattress. She fell asleep.

He must also have fallen asleep for the next thing he knew she was sitting beside him with his face in her hands. "Let's go to bed" and she kissed him.

She stood up and taking him by the hand led him up the stairs.


	13. Chapter 13

Sisyphean Love

Quando me'n vo

August 24, 1920 continued

It was too soon.

Matthew did not want to do it. He felt like Sir Richard would be in bed with them. He changed into his pyjamas in the guest bathroom. He took as long as he dared. He hoped that Mary would already be in bed, in one of Anna's Mother Hubbard nightgowns, with the light off.

She wasn't.

She was standing in the middle of the room. She was wearing the pyjamas he had given her the previous night although the legs and arms seemed to have been shortened. The top two buttons on the shirt were unbuttoned, he could see some cleavage.

"I thought you would already be in bed"

"I didn't know what side you wanted so I waited"

"I'll take the left side"

She turned and climbed in on the left side and then scooted over, but just to the middle. She was not making this easy. He could feel the point of his compass start swinging to true north. He turned so his back was to her. He took off his robe, threw it over the end of the bed and then sat down. He reached over and turned off the bedside light.

"I'll sleep on the top of the covers."

"No you won't" and she pulled back the covers. "Get in" she commanded.

And because her command was given in the old Mary's voice he got in. With his back to her.

She put her hand on his shoulder and pulled. "Turn over" she commanded in that same tone.

"I can't"

"And why not?"

"Because ... because I am ... I just can't" He could feel her slide over until her whole body was smack against his. He could feel her breathing in his ear.

"I think I know what your problem is" and she started moving her hand down his side. He grabbed it just when it started moving over his hip.

"Don't"

"What's the problem? Were you injured down there in the war?"

She said the last in such a disappointed voice he had to chuckle. "No it's ... it's just that I don't have any ...ah ...protection."

"Protection? What do you need protection from?"

Matthew could feel himself starting to blush from embarrassment. How could she be so obtuse? "We both need protection from ...ah disease and ah.. pregnancy."

"Oh, you mean..."

"Yes"

"But I do not have any disease like that"

"How can you be sure?"

"Well I never.."

"What about Sir Richard? Do you know everyplace where he dipped his wick?"

"No.. but after I lost .. ah the doctors did a bunch of blood tests and such. I am sure I am clean"

Matthew hoped she would drop the subject but she asked the obvious question. "What about you? Surely since Lavinia ...you've been with other women, haven't you?"

Matthew exercised his right to remain silent.

"Answer me" she commanded.

Matthew said nothing.

Mary straddled him. She grabbed his ears. "Tell me" she commanded, her face just inches from his.

All he could think about was her groin on his. She started moving her hips. He could feel his body erecting. He dumped her onto the bed alongside him.

"Quit that."

She got up and knelt beside him. "Tell me or I'll take matters in hand."

He captured her hand as it crossed his thigh. "About a year after Lavinia died I started occasionally, not that often, attending at a ah...certain discrete establishment. To relieve the pressure so to speak."

"A brothel"

"It could be called that."

"Do you have a favourite whore?"

"It is not like that, it is more luck of the draw"

"How often do you go?"

"I don't have a set schedule"

"When was the last time you went?"

"Last Thursday"

"When are you going again?"

"I don't know. Maybe...maybe never"

She poked him in the chest. "Maybe you are diseased."

"They run a clean place."

"All the same I want you to get tested." she gave him a little push away.

Matthew sighed to himself. As an excuse to avoid proceeding any further it was not the most honourable one but it would buy him some time. "Fair enough" and he got out of bed.

"Where are you going?"

"To get tested"

"At this time of the night?"

"I want to be first in line when they open".

He went downstairs to sleep on the sofa. But he did not fall asleep right away. He laid awake for a long time staring at the ceiling. What had he gotten himself into? And how did he get himself out of it? And did he want to?


	14. Chapter 14

Sisyphean Love

O mio babbino caro

August 25, 1920

The next morning Mary and Anna, chauffeured by Batesy, went shopping in Clerkenwell.

Mary had never been in that part of London. She bought a full middle class wardrobe, including an outfit to go dancing in, at Matthew's insistence, according to Anna. Of her own accord she also purchased two frilly, and rather skimpy, nightgowns. Anna sniffed, but did not say anything.

Mary had her hair bobbed in a barber shop by one of Anna's nephews. She felt almost naked as they walked to Anna's brother's restaurant for lunch. She kept watching herself in the store windows, she looked so different. She also noticed several men giving her admiring glances. After lunch the first thing she was going to do was buy those eyeglasses. She needed something to hide behind.

When Mary was all shopped out and ready to head back to Matthew's, she almost thought of it as 'home', Anna surprised her by instructing Batesy to stop in front of a jeweller's.

"Matthew wants you to buy a wedding ring"

Mary looked down at her left hand. When she had left Richard she had taken off the one he had given her. She was not sure she knew where it was. "Why?"

"He didn't say. He did say to pick out a nice plain, middle class one"

The one Mary picked out was. On a whim Mary asked the jeweller if there was a matching man's ring. There was. Mary bought it also.

-0-

When Matthew came home from the office Batesy met him at the front door. "So how did it go?" he asked.

"Judge for yourself." and Batesy made a sweeping motion with his arm towards the staircase.

Matthew watched open mouthed as a beautiful woman descended the stairs. The prewar Mary of Downton Abbey was gone. In her place was the thoroughly modern Mary of London.

Mary walked towards him with her hand on her hip. She stopped just before she got to him, spun around, the ends of her hair flying out, looked back over at him over her shoulder and then walked back to the foot of the staircase. There she turned around and stood facing Matthew.

Matthew started to applaud. "Brava! Brava!" He gave Mary a great big grin. He walked towards her and taking up her hands he pulled her towards him. "You are so beautiful. I have always wondered how you kiss a girl wearing glasses"

She smiled back at him "I believe one must tilt one's head a bit more than normal"

She was right.

-0-

Later, after supper, Matthew and Mary were back on the long sofa. She was laying down with her feet in his lap. He was massaging her calves.

"I'm taking tomorrow and Friday off but I have to work all next week so..." He had stopped rubbing.

She nudged him with her foot "So?"

"So I have arranged for you and Anna next week, to ..."

She nudged him again, this time a little harder "To?"

Matthew started stroking Mary's right calve. "To take driving lessons"

"To do what?"

"Next week, each morning Batesy will drive you out to Kent to the Harper School of Driving. There you will drive around in a field until Harper feels that you are ready to be let loose on the high streets of an unsuspecting England."

Mary gaped at him.

Matthew shook her foot. "Hello? Anyone home?"

"Why?"

"Why not?'

"I cannot..."

"Yes you can and will. You can do a lot more than you think" He raised her foot and started nibbling at her toes. He could see her inner thigh and the promise of something more. He could feel desire rising in him. She pulled her foot out of his hand and dropped it back onto his lap. A little hard he thought, certainly the mood was gone.

She changed the subject. "Did you get yourself tested today?"

"Yes" It had been a rather embarrassing experience. His doctor had been neutral in his comments but the nurse who had drawn his blood seemed quite disapproving. "I'll get the results tomorrow"

"Good. All the same you had better sleep down here tonight"

"Yes, I suppose"

And he did.


	15. Chapter 15

Sisyphean Love

L'asciami: non t'escolto

August 26, 1920

Mary awoke to someone shaking her foot.

It was Matthew. "Wake up sleepyhead."

"What time is it?"

"6:00 a.m. Rise and shine"

"Go away" Mary threw a pillow at him.

Matthew caught it and threw it back. It hit her in the head.

"Hey that hurt."

"No it didn't, don't be such a baby"

"That's not the way you wake someone up."

"Well how do you?"

Mary laid back and closed her eyes. "You figure it out" She awaited his kiss. Nothing happened. She could hear him moving about. Was he getting undressed? Was that how he was going to wake her up? She could hear him move to the side of the bed.

"Mary, Mary wake up." he whispered in her ear. "Oh dear she won't wake up. What should I do?"

Mary smiled to herself and puckered her lips.

Then all of a sudden she felt a splash of cold water on her face. She sat up fast. "You..." She just saw his back as he ran from the bedroom. She could hear him laughing in the hall. "You just wait until tomorrow morning!" she yelled.

-0-

It was almost 10:30 a.m. before Mary ate the last crumb of her scone and sipped the last of her tea. Matthew was tapping the kitchen table with his fingers. He did not say anything. She regarded him. He was not frowning at her but he was not smiling fondly at her either. He seemed to be disappointed.

She put her tea cup down. She gave Matthew a pleasant look. "Well, what do you have planned for today?"

"Given the late start the plan has changed. We are now going to Kew Gardens for a picnic."

"Hmm. What was the original plan?"

"All I can say is that it involved a yacht."

"A yacht?... Is it too late?"

"That ship has sailed"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I tried to wake you."

"You should have insisted."

"I will not force you. I am going on a picnic to Kew Gardens. Would you like to come?"

She would and she did.

At Kew Matthew seemed quieter than usual. He's mad because we didn't go on the boat trip she thought. She tried to make up by prattling on about the flowers and other plants although she did not know all that much about them, that had always been something for her mother. But there were only so many ways you could say a flower was pretty. The only time Matthew became animated was when he described seeing the fields of bluebonnets a few springs ago. Mary could not help but feel that it had been with a woman, likely his wife Lavinia, but still a woman other than her. She felt a pang of jealousy. She tried to suppress it but it was there.

On the way back into London Matthew did not go straight home, to his house Mary corrected herself, instead he headed to Harley Street.

He parked and got out of the car. Mary made a move to get out as well but he stopped her.

"You can wait here, I'll be right back."

By medical standards Matthew was right back.

"Well?" she asked after he had gotten back in the car and started it up.

"I'm clean" and he pulled into traffic. He did not respond to Mary's attempts to chat as he drove and finally she gave up and watched the cityscape go by.

-0-

Dinner was a quiet affair. Anna and Batesy, sensing the tension between Mary and Matthew, finished quickly and left for an evening stroll.

"I'm sorry we didn't go on the boat trip. You should have told me why we had to be up so early." Mary said.

Matthew regarded her "You apologize but it is my fault."

"Don't sulk. Not tonight. It is a special night."

"It is?"

"It is for me. I hope it will also be for you." She stood up and took his hand. "Let's go to bed."

"Bed? Isn't it a little early? It's just past seven."

"It's never to early to make love. Now come on"

Matthew followed Mary up the stairs trying to think of some reason to put things off. He was not in the mood. He was still irritated that Mary had spoiled his surprise. His friend Bert Hastings had invited Matthew and 'guest' on a trip up the Thames on his new motor launch. Matthew was sure Mary would have liked to have met Bert's wife, Louise. But no, even after being doused with a glass of water, she did not deign to get up. And now this. It was still too early. He did not know what to do. He did not know if the Lady or the Tiger was waiting for him at the top of the stairs.

Matthew changed into his pyjamas in the guest bathroom. He took a long time; such a long time that Mary knocked on the door and asked it everything was OK. He assured her he would be out in the minute. He stared at himself in the mirror. He felt guilt rising in him. He would be taking her on false pretences. He would be making love to a Mary who was not the Mary he loved. He was not sure he could. He sighed and opened the bathroom door.

The bedroom was hot and humid in the late August heat. He had expected Mary would already be in bed but she was standing in front of the window. She was wearing a sheer nightgown and with the back lighting he could see the perfect outline of her body. She was not making this easy.

"I ah.. I forgot to get any protection ... you know.. against pregnancy."

She picked up something from the bedside table and threw it to him. "Are these your brand?"

He looked at the box of condoms. "These will do, thanks"

She walked to the bed, threw back the bed covers and and crawled in. She patted the bed beside her. "Come here"

He sat on the edge on the bed. She rubbed his back.

"Why won't you lay down?" she asked. "Is something wrong?"

"No the flesh is strong but the spirit is weak"

"What do you mean?" She sat up "Don't you want me?"

He put his arm around her. "I don't know how to say this without making you so mad you run away."

"This has been the best three days I have had in the past three years; I am not going anywhere. So tell me"

"I want the Mary I knew so bad my body aches. But I just don't know if you're the same Mary" He stared at the window. The air was so still he could see dust motes dancing in the air.

She turned away from him. He let his arm drop away from her to the bed.

"I am."

"No you're not. The Mary I knew wouldn't have put up with all the abuse from her husband. She would have fought back or at least ran away."

"He said he would kill me"

He sniffed. "I had the whole German army trying to kill me for four years. I fought back."

"Did they do this to you?" He could sense her pulling down the top of her nightgown.

He turned toward her. She was facing away from him, naked from the waist up. There was a network of faint scars on her back. He could see they ran down her back below the edge of the cloth.. He reached out and traced one scar with his finger. She shivered. "How?" he asked

"Sometimes he got carried away with his riding crop. Turn away"

When Matthew had turned away he could hear her pulling her top back up. He turned and touched her cheek. He could feel her tears. "So why didn't you run?"

"He said he would come after me and drag me back. That no one would believe me. That I was his to do with what he wanted. If he wanted he could have had me committed to an asylum. And no one could stop him. Even the last time I would probably have stayed if Thomas hadn't put me on my horse."

He pulled her back to him and hugged her to his chest. They sat like that, leaning against each other, for a long time.

Then he asked "Did the Turk force you too?"

"No that was just lust, a need for excitement."

"So the only bad part of that was him dying in your bed?"

For a second she thought he was making a joke then she realized what he was implying. She wrenched herself out of his arms. "I am not a slut! It was a stupid mistake. I am not like that."

He could feel the rage radiating off of her. Maybe she wasn't like that; but his Mary, the Mary he had loved, would never have done that, she was strong and true. He got off the bed. "I'm going to sleep on the sofa"

-0-

Matthew shook his head. So this it what it has come down to. Sitting in his library, dressed in his pyjamas, drinking scotch, having walked away from a beautiful woman who wanted to make love to him. A beautiful woman who was probably getting dressed right now so she could leave. He sighed.

He heard the door click open behind him. He did not turn around. He heard the rustle of cloth. Then he felt her hand on his neck.

"We need to talk" she said. She came around the end of the sofa and sat in the armchair facing him.

"I'm listening" he said.

"It is 1920. I am not the Mary you loved in 1914. You are not the Matthew I loved in 1914. Those were ideals. We have both changed. This is now. We are real people with all the baggage that that entails. There is still something between us. We can make it work."

"I don't understand what 'it' is. Are you a part of my life or are you just passing through?"

Mary did not answer right away. Finally she said "I cannot tell you yet"

Matthew snorted. "You are exactly the same Mary of 1914, she also couldn't tell me if she would be part of my life."

Mary frowned at his bitter tone. "I'm sorry. It is not the same. We can work this through. Together."

No one said anything for a long time.

Anna and Batesy came back from their walk. Anna peeked in the library and saw Matthew and Mary sitting there in their nightclothes. She did not disturb them.

Matthew broke the silence. "So what now?"

"I want to know why what happened with Pamuk bothers you more than all that happened with Richard." she replied.

"It doesn't. What Sir Richard did to you bothers me much much more. But you do not feel it because my feelings in that regard are directed at him. Right now he should be feeling dread if not foreboding"

She gasped "What are you planning? I don't want you to go to prison or even ...hang"

He put his hand up. "It is nothing like that. You told me you are taking half of his property in the divorce settlement. My friend, Bert Hastings, and some other associates of mine are going to help me make him lose the other half. All legally. Sir Richard is going to end up bankrupt and powerless. He is never is going to be able to bother you again" And then he is going to die for his sins thought Matthew but he did not tell Mary that.

"How?"

"Sir Richard is the biggest shareholder but he only owns thirty per cent of the shares of his company. He mortgaged those shares and his house in London to raise the cash he had to pay you. We are going to spook the people who lent him the money into calling his loans. When they do he will not be able to pay and he will lose his shares and his house. Then he will be broke and be living in the gutter" where he will die thought Matthew.

"How will you spook them?"

"By whispering the truth about him all over the City of London. How he sold off half his assets and mortgaged the other half and all the money went to a Swiss bank account."

"But it went to me" Mary objected.

Matthew laughed. "That is the beauty of it, if Sir Richard tells people that no one will believe him because everyone knows that an adulterous wife gets nothing in a divorce. They will think he is moving his assets preparatory to fleeing the country. No one will trust him. No one will want to associate with him. He can fight back in a lot of ways but the truth will destroy him" and then he will die.

Mary seemed satisfied with his answer and Matthew thought he was home free but then she asked: "But Pamuk bothers you?"

What could he say? "Yes"

"Why? It was so long ago"

"With Sir Richard you were a victim...with Pamuk you were an accomplice"

"It was a mistake. I have regretted it ever since"

"But would you do it again?"

"What you are suggesting?"

"That you might do it again" he could tell she was getting agitated. Here it comes he thought, the big blow up.

"I. Am. Not. A. Slut." she spit out.

"You did it with Pamuk on the spur of the moment without any regard for the consequences."

"He pushed his way into my bedroom."

"He pushed you onto your bed and you opened your legs for him. What kind of woman does that define?"

"That only happened once!"

"Which brings us back to my original point 'Would you do it again?'" he could see her grinding her teeth getting ready to blast him "That was why Sir Richard was so jealous of you" he continued, not giving her an opening "he knew you hated him and he thought you were doing it with other men to spite him. After all he is divorcing you for adultery."

"I never did!"

"Because you were scared of him"

"Even if I had not been I never would have..."

"Are you scared of him right now?"

"No"

"Because you have his signed confession. So what happened as soon as you were not afraid of Sir Richard?"

She gave him a puzzled look.

"You tried to crawl in bed with me" he answered for her.

"But this is different!"

"Sir Richard wouldn't think so, if he knew about us. And that is what bothers me about you and Pamuk. I am just as jealous of you as Sir Richard ever was"

"You don't trust me"

"No. There are thousands of Pamuks out there ready and eager to give you a push and I am afraid that someday you will be mad at me for some reason or you will be bored and in need of a little excitement and you will let them have their way with you."

"I would never ..."

"Never say never" Matthew felt a profound feeling of sadness rising in him. He wished she would just leave before she broke his heart beyond repair.

"Yet you still could love me"

He gave her a wan smile. "History is littered with the bones of men who loved women whom they knew were bad for them."

She gave him a small smile in return. "Maybe it is a good thing for a husband if he is never too sure of his wife's affections."

He frowned at her. "Don't ever joke about it, Don't ever tease me. Don't ever taunt me. After tonight don't ever mention it again. You don't have to be afraid of my jealousy; I will never physically hurt you. But know this, if you ever give me cause I will leave you, damn the consequences, there will be no second chance."

"How can I earn your trust?"

"Be faithful and loyal to me until I die. Don't be lead into temptation. Don't flirt. Don't be placed in compromising positions. Avoid all impropriety and the appearance of impropriety. Beware the Pamuks of the world. Don't ever forget how much you love me and I love you no matter how mad or bored you might get with me."

"Should I take up the veil?"

"I said not to joke. If it is too much for you my door is always open and you are free to leave anytime. I have said my piece on the subject of Pamuk and I never want to hear that name again." He got up from the sofa and poured himself another scotch. He did not offer her one. He stood facing away from her. Just go away he willed her.

Vedrai, carino

He heard her get up. Leaving he thought. Then he felt her hand on his back. She slipped her hand underneath his pyjama top and started rubbing the small of his back.

"I would be good for you."

"I believe you would very good for me but..."

"But?"

"But I'm also afraid you would be bad for me."

"At some point you are going to have to take a chance."

"I know..."

"What's this!" she exclaimed as she pulled up his top. There was a hideous scar in the shape of an arc across the bottom of his back. She traced it with her finger.

"It's my souvenir of the war."

She put her hand on his hip and turned him around. "Tell me"

"It was the start of the 100 days. We were near Amiens. I was a little crazy, taking too many chances..."

"Oh" Mary realized, that had been in August, he had just learned of the deaths of...

He saw she knew. "Anyway, long story short, I was caught out in the open by a German shell and the next thing I knew I woke up in a hospital bed with no feeling down under."

"That must have been horrible."

"The doctors were positive my spine had just bruised, not broken, and I just had to wait for the swelling to go down. They didn't tell me it would take almost six months. Anyway, all's well that ends well" he looked at her. "So what now?"

She gave him that small smile. "Let's go back to bed."

"I'm not up to it"

She took him by the hand and lead him to the stairs. "You are going to hold me and stroke my hair and I am going to rub your back and we are going to fall asleep like that"

They went up the stairs and that was what happened. That was all that happened.


	16. Chapter 16

Sisyphean Love

O Sole Mio

August 27, 1920

"Matthew wake up" he heard Mary whisper in his ear. He opened his eyes. And she dumped a glass of water on his face.

He leapt out of bed with a roar. "You cheated! You're supposed to give me a chance to get up!"

She laughed at him and ran for the bathroom. He got to the door before she could lock it. He pushed in. She backed up to the sink.

"What are you going to do to me?"

"I am going to put your head under the bathtub tap and..."

"Forfeit" she cried.

He stopped. "What do you forfeit?"

"I..ah...I forfeit my love"

"That seems like a lot to forfeit to avoid a soaking" he considered her "I would thought an eyebrow would have been enough."

"An eyebrow?"

"You have beautiful eyebrows. They are very expressive. I would recognize you by your eyebrows anywhere. I could use one a a watch fob."

"I am not talking about just this soaking."

"You are forfeiting to avoid all future soakings?"

"All. Now and forever."

"What constitutes a soaking? Does a snowball down your neck?"

She shivered. "Certainly, it's frozen water."

He looked at the bathtub. "What about a splash while taking a bath?"

She looked at the bathtub, then at him and grinned. "Incidental splashing is acceptable; deliberate splashing is not."

"That sounds fair. Are you sure about this? You are forfeiting all your love, now and for the future, to me, to avoid getting soaked by me? It still seems like a high price."

She grabbed him by the ears and pulled his face close to hers. "It's because I'm not scared. I dumped a glass of water on you and you chased me in here and I'm not afraid. I know you will not hurt me. I forfeit my love because I love you and I know you love me."

"I will accept your forfeit." he pulled her to him and they kissed.

She drew her face back and said "I want you to know that was the best night's sleep I have had since before I got married."

"That long?"

"Maybe ever."

They kissed again. Matthew picked Mary up and carried her to the bed. As he was laying her down he noticed that it was still dark outside.

"What time is it?"

"About 5:30 a.m."

"So why did you wake me up so early?"

Mary put her hand to her mouth. "I forgot. We are going to the Billingsgate fish market for breakfast with Anna and Batesy."

Matthew stared at her. "We had better get a move on. Anna will be up here any moment to roust us out. I'll use the guest bathroom." As he was heading out the door he turned and said "wear that wedding ring you bought."

Mary rather enjoyed the trip to Billingsgate. She had worried that it would reek of rotting fish but as Anna pointed out to her, fresh fish did not smell. The smell of the market was of the sea. It was exhilarating. As they walked she and Matthew held hands. While she would not have done so on Bond Street here it felt the right and safe thing to do. One of them would steer the other to avoid the carts and porters with their boxes balanced on their heads.

As they waited at a stall while Anna haggled over a salmon Mary could see Matthew fiddling with the wedding band she had insisted he wear. If she was going to wear one, he was going to wear one also. It was not yet the custom for men to wear wedding rings, he had said he had not worn one when he was married to Lavinia, but she had insisted. He was going to be marked as hers. She smiled at him.

"Have you ever eaten fish and chips before?" Anna asked.

They were all in a little fish and chip shop next to the market.

"Yes. Every year we would go to Scarborough on the North Sea for a week and we would have fish and chips for at least one lunch."

"For breakfast?"

She laughed. "Never. And this is the best I've ever had."

Anna nodded at this. She looked across the table at Mary and Matthew. They were the picture of happiness. She was going to have to start looking for another husband for her niece Catrina. She sighed. Catrina would have been perfect for Matthew. The house would have been full of bambinos in no time. She regarded Mary. This one was too much on the thin side to bear children. She would have to fatten her up. The fish and chips was a good start. Batesy started to say something and Anna tensed. She was prepared to give him the worst kick of his life in the shins if he blurted out that they had used to met Matthew here for breakfast after he had been out all night tom catting. She was sure Mary did not want to hear that. But Batesy wanted to talk football with Matthew and she relaxed.

After breakfast Mary cuddled next to Matthew in the town car as Batesy drove them.

"Tired?" asked Matthew as he hugged her.

"Yes. I think we are going to have to take a nap before lunch." she rubbed the inside of his thigh.

He grabbed her hand. "Quit that!" he whispered. In his normal voice he said "I'm afraid you are going to be disappointed. Batesy is not taking us home."

Mary looked out the window. "Where are we going?"

"To the offices of American Express."

"And why exactly?"

"We are going on a day long tour of London." He beamed at her "In a doubledecker bus."

She gaped at him."I have seen London"

"When was the last time you were to the Tower?"

"When I was ...ah."

"Enough said."

Two hours later they were riding down the Mall, on the top level of the bus, heading to Buckingham Palace to watch the Changing of the Guard.

Mary had enjoyed the tour of Westminster Abbey. There had been things she had learned on the tour she had not known. While she and the rest of the tourists had followed the guide through the Abbey she discovered Matthew had spent his time talking with a Sexton who had told him about the plans for entombing an unknown soldier. When they exited the Abbey Matthew was subdued.

On the bus Matthew chatted up an older American couple, Bill and Betty Johnson from Cleveland, Ohio. Mr. Johnson was in fasteners; he showed them the fastener, called a zipper, which did up his boot; he assured Mary that her dresses would be fastened with zippers before the decade was out. But the Johnsons were not in London on a vacation. They were on a stop over, tomorrow they were joining a battle field tour of France. Their second son, Fred, had been killed at Belleau Wood and this was a pilgrimage of sorts. When Mr. Johnson found out that Matthew had been in the war he tried to get Matthew to talk about what it had been like in the trenches, Mary paid attention, she would like to know as well, but Matthew deflected the enquiries, just saying that it was bad, worse then they could imagine.

Mrs. Johnson whispered to Mary that she didn't know why her husband had to see the place where their son had died, wasn't it bad enough knowing he was killed, being there to see it would be unbearable. Mary did not what she could say to comfort her. Then Mrs. Johnson changed the subject and saved the afternoon.

"You two are newly weds aren't you?"

Before Mary could reply Matthew said "Why yes, how could you tell?"

"Oh, by the way you keep watching at each other when the other is not looking; the way you keep touching. Bill hasn't looked at me like that since Garfield was President."

"I tell people I have enjoyed twenty three years of marriage with this woman" Bill put in. "The other six years were so so" he laughed and then grunted as Betty elbowed him in the ribs.

"So how long have you been married?" Betty asked.

Mary's upper class reserve kicked in and she was not going to answer but again Matthew answered. "Since yesterday" and kept on answering Betty and Bill's questions.

Mary had to admit that he spun a good tale. How they had been sweethearts before the war but the war had torn them asunder. She could almost hear violins playing in the background. They had lost touch with other. They had ended up marrying other people. Who had died tragically. How they each had both been bereft for more than a year. Then on Monday, just this past Monday, Matthew had been hurrying down the street, not paying any attention, when whom should he bowl over, but Mary. And the rest is history he concluded.

"Well that's better then telling about how we met at a fish fry" smiled Betty. "So this is your honeymoon?"

"I'm afraid so." said Matthew "It happened so suddenly there was no chance to book off time from work." and then he had to explain he was a solicitor, that is a lawyer who shuffled paper and did not go to court.

-0-

The guide promised lunch would be a traditional English delicacy and it certainly was: fish and chips.

-0-

Matthew insisted on treating their new found friends to dinner at Brown's Hotel and when they bid them adieu after a nightcap in the bar Matthew and Mary both felt a measure of regret.

"Thank you" Matthew said to Mary as she snuggled under his arm in the back of the cab.

"For what?"

"For playing along; not getting all hoity-toity."

"To the Johnsons? They were such nice people...oh you are thinking of what the old Mary would have been like. I told you that Mary is gone."

"There are parts of that Mary I miss"

"Such as?"

"How she liked an argument, for one."

"Don't worry, that Mary is still lurking in here somewhere."

"Good" and he kissed her.

-0-

It was almost midnight when they got home. They went right to bed.

Mary asked Matthew to give her a minute to get ready. He gave her five.

When he went into the bedroom she was already asleep. He smiled at her and gave her a goodnight kiss. He got in beside her and was asleep himself within another five minutes.


	17. Chapter 17

Sisyphean Love

Belle nuit, ô nuit d'amour

August 28, 1920 to September 18, 1920

At some point, Matthew knew not when, he was past it before he was aware of the significance, Mary's past no longer hurt him. It was like when he fell out of the apple tree when he was seven and broke his arm. He remembered it happened, he remembered it hurt then, but he suffered no pain from it now. In fact, if asked suddenly, he would be hard pressed to remember which arm he had broken. It had happened; he wished it hadn't happened; but it had and he had gotten over it. Mary had given herself to Pamuk and then Carlisle. He wished she hadn't but she had. But she had moved on. She was with him now. Hang the past. He looked forward to his future.

With her.

Tonight.

Matthew grinned. He was going to...

"What are you leering at?" Mary snapped.

Matthew flushed as he looked at Mary. At her no lipped frown. "Ah..ah.. nothing" he stammered.

-0-

Matthew knew a certain amount of seduction would be required. Mary would be skittish. He would be gentle, take his time, let her melt in his arms. Even with his limited expertise it shouldn't be that hard. After all she was already sleeping with him. In a very skimpy nightgown. She wanted him. He would have her.

He was sorely disabused.

The first hint of what was not to come was when Mary wore those pyjamas of his he had lent her that first night to bed that night instead of the diaphanous nightgown of the past two nights. She, or more likely Anna, had cut down the arms and legs to fit. He was disappointed but he did not say anything.

Mary got into bed first and held back the covers. "Come to bed Matthew".

Matthew sat on the bed and took off his wristwatch. He put it on the bedside table, beside the box of condoms. The box was open. Mary must have been curious as to what they looked like which must of meant that Carlisle never bothered with them. He swung his legs up onto the bed and laid on his side facing Mary.

He smiled at her and when she smiled back he took her in his arms and started kissing her. He thought she was enjoying it; he felt she was responding; that she liked what was he doing and he starting pressing his hard middle against her. He was just about to roll her over onto her back when he felt her hand on his hip pushing him back.

When he pulled back she said: "I just need a little air. That was very nice" She turned so she was laying on her front. "Could you rub my back?"

So Matthew laid on his side rubbing her back until she fell asleep. Then Matthew laid on his back thinking that Carlisle was in bed with her still and wondering how long it was going to take to make the bastard disappear. It took a long time for him to fall asleep.

And so it continued for most of the next three weeks.

The days were like polkas, filled with frenetic joy as Matthew showed Mary a London her staid upbringing had overlooked.

One day they climbed the 530 steps to the top of St Paul's Cathedral; then they wandered through the City of London to the Monument and climbed the 310 steps there. With special permission for them obtained by Robert they spent a day exploring behind the scenes of the Houses of Parliament culminating in climbing 334 stone steps up the spiral stair case of the Clock Tower to Big Ben; whereupon Mary swore off tower climbing for good.

They tried to lose themselves in the hedge maze at Hampton Court Palace. They walked though the gardens of Kensington Palace; heckled a Communist speaker in Hyde Park; explored the London Zoo.

They finally cruised down the Thames to Greenwich with Bert Hastings and his wife Louise and straddled the Prime Meridian.

They toured the British Museum one morning and then balanced the sublime with the ridiculous by touring Madame Tussaud's where Mary scared a tourist by pretending to be a wax figurine.

Mary surprised Matthew with her fascination with the dinosaurs at the Natural History Museum, so much that they never did get to the Victoria and Albert that day.

In the evenings they saw various shows and concerts; they attended one of Henry Wood 's Promenade Concerts at Queen's Hall although they had to sit in the gods; saw 'Kissing Time' at Winter Garden Theatre; and best of all, as far was Matthew was concerned, caught Harry Lauder's show at the Hackney Empire. Afterwards Matthew insisted on singing 'Roamin' in the Gloamin' and 'I Love a Lassie' all the way home throughly embaressing Mary.

And they never ate at any snooty restaurants, instead dining out at Italian, Greek and Indian eateries so often Mary swore garlic would be permanently coming out of her pores.

Their nights were like tangos. Badly truncated tangos. They might start with a _caminar_, proceed to _ cruces_, maybe _ochos_, but never _ganchos_ let alone _boleos._

Mary never said 'no' or 'don't' or 'quit that' but her body did. The front of her body from her shoulders to her knees, as well as her bottom, were No Man's Land as surely as if they had been bordered with little red flags like the engineers had used to demarcate mine fields during the War. If Matthew's hand were to stray from her back past her ribs to the base of a breast her elbow would trap his arm and she would roll away from him. If he was in the midst of kissing her when he tried to touch one of the forbidden areas the air in her mouth would turn to frost, the chill would come on so quickly.

At first when this happened he would apologize and then she would apologize and then he would apologize again and then she would apologize again and this cycle would repeat until the repetion lulled them to sleep in each other's arms.

But then Matthew started to get angry.


	18. Chapter 18

Sisyphean Love

Un bel dì

September 20, 1920

But then Matthew started to get angry.

Angry at Carlisle.

Why did he abuse Mary so and destroy her ability to make love?

Angry at Mary.

Why wouldn't she move beyond the abuse and let him make love to her?

Angry at himself.

Why was he such a beast, as bad as Carlisle, wanting sex when Mary needed love and time?

He did not berate Mary. He would never yell at her again. At first he got out of bed and left the bedroom. Mary would follow him into the bathroom and she would ask him to come back to bed. She promised she would be more receptive.

But she was not.

This went on for three weeks.

Then one night, the last night, she whimpered.

Matthew shot out of the bed.

After a few minutes of laying in bed, staring at the ceiling and cursing herself, Mary got out of bed and followed him. She found him in his dressing room, getting dressed.

"Where are you going?" she asked with an edge she regretted as soon as she spoke.

"Out." He would not look at her.

"Come back to bed. I will try harder." She tried to grab his hand but he moved away.

"There's no point."

"Look, it is not all my fault" she cried. "You could..."

"What?" he snapped.

"Act more like a man and push in.."

He stared at her. "A man? A man like Sir Richard? A man like Pamuk? I think not." He finished putting on his jacket and pushed by her. "Good night Lady Carlisle."

She followed him to the staircase. "Have fun with your whore" she screamed at his back.

-0-

The next morning Mary was sitting on the bottom steps of the staircase waiting for him when Matthew came through the front door. She got up and gave him a hug. He did not smell of a whore's cheap perfume, if any thing he smelt of fog and coal smoke.

"Did you sleep?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Where did you..."

"I just walked along the Embankment." He kissed her forhead. "I have to get ready for the office. We'll talk tonight, OK?"

She smiled at him, we'll more than talk, as she had waited for him, she had worked it out; tonight she would seduce him.


	19. Chapter 19

Sisyphean Love

Měsíčku na nebi hlubokém

September 21, 1920

Mary walked through it in her mind. She would meet Matthew at the door, take his hat, give him a long deep kiss, lead him by the hand to the library and sit him on the sofa. Pour him a finger of Scotch over ice and then sit in his lap and nuzzle his neck as he drank. Taste the whisky on his lips and tongue. Then dinner.

Dinner. Mary found Anna in the kitchen. She wanted Anna to cook Matthew's favourite dishes but she did not want anything that would make him too ...

"You don't want Matthew getting stuffed and falling asleep on you?" Anna laughed.

Mary blushed "No, that is not...Do you mind if we, Matthew and I that is, eat in the dining room?"

"Not at all" Anna smiled "Batesey and I'll stay out of your hair. And don't worry about dinner, I know just the thing to have and I'll make up a nice antipasto platter if you .." she wiggled her eyebrows "two feel a little ravenous afterwards" and she laughed again.

Anna did not know what Matthew's favourite flowers were and was of the opinion that he, like all other men, would not notice any flowers that happened to be present. But Mary thought there should be flowers and thinking of Matthew's eyes sent Batesey in search of blue hydrangeas and four bottles of champagne, no make that a half dozen.

Everything was under control. All there was to do was take a nice leisurely bath and then get ready to greet Matthew.

Then Murray telephoned. To remind her that the divorce hearing was Thursday and so she had to meet with her barrister on Wednesday, in two days, to discuss her admission of adultery. She hung up the receiver and stared at the telephone. Adultery. Adultery she had not yet committed.

Her bath was not relaxing. She lay in the water until it cooled and got cold, thinking. Adultery was such an ugly word. She wanted to make love. She did not want sex, she wanted love. She wanted Matthew, not Richard.

-0-

She hated the way the dress draped on her. Not blessed with voluptuousness she had to make do with what she had. She had a pretty good idea what Matthew wanted from the way and where he kept trying to touch her. She shrugged off the dress, took off all her underwear and put the dress back on. She looked at herself in the mirror. She was leaving nothing to the imagination, but she did not want Matthew to imagine, she wanted him to experience.

She took a deep breath and then exhaled slowly. Now for the dangerous part of her plan. Mary knew she could not let her inhibitions rule. Not tonight. This was her last chance.

Mary had never been drunk. She had never wanted to lose control. But tonight she intended to get tipsy. When Matthew came home she was going to be as affectionate as a house cat in heat. The deed would be done before her inhibitions woke up.

She rang for Anna.

Anna's eyes widened at the sight of Mary. Batesey was definitely staying below stairs tonight. Matthew should be the only man to see... those ...that.

"Anna, would you please have two of the bottles of champagne opened and placed in the library."

-0-

It was not working. Mary stared at the empty bottles. She was as sober and anxious as ever. She poured herself another glass from the new bottle. This was going to work. It had to.

She drank.


	20. Chapter 20

Sisyphean Love

Senza Luce

Anna met Matthew at the door. "She's in the library."

Matthew peeked into the library. He watched as Mary, swaying as she stood, with the exaggerated care of the truly and utterly drunk poured herself a glass of champagne. She only spilled a little. There was a bottle laying on its side on the end table and another empty one on the floor.

She saw him. "Matthew! Darling!" and putting her glass down, spilling some more, launched herself at him.

Matthew caught her in time. She gave him a sloppy kiss. He hugged her to him, smiling into her shoulder.

"Let's go to bed" she whispered into his ear "I'm ready" then she stuck her tongue in his ear. Slipping out of his hug she grabbed his hand and almost fell over.

Matthew caught her up in his arms "You my dear, certainly should be in bed" and headed for the stairs.

Mary wrapped her arms tight around his neck. "You too." she slurred. "We have to do it tonight, I'm running out of time. I'm ready, I promise, I can do it."

"Let's get you into bed and we'll see."

Getting up the stairs was a problem, to avoid banging Mary's head on the wall or catching her feet on the bannister Mathew had to turn sideways and he found that she was heavier than he thought.

He had just made it to the top when she announced "I have to pee" so he pushed open the door of the WC with his foot and set her down. He went to leave but she stopped him "I need you to help."

She pulled up her dress and sat down, leaning on Matthew's hip. He closed his eyes and wished he could close his ears.

When she finished, instead of standing, Mary reached up with both hands and pulled her dress over her head. Then she stood up. Naked except for a string of pearls. "I have to wash my hands." Matthew had to grab her around the waist to keep her from toppling into the bathtub. Mary soaped and splashed her hands under the taps spraying water all over her front. She turned around and leaned against the sink. She held her hands out to Matthew. "Dry me" she commanded.

He grabbed a towel and dried each of her hands in turn trying not to focus beyond her wrists. He turned to hang up the towel but she stopped him. "You missed some" and she thrust her chest at him. He blinked and started to dab at her. "Rub me down" she told him and he did but it felt antiseptic rather than erotic.

Mary put her arms around his neck and kissed him. "Take me. Not here, in bed." She took him by the hand and tried to lead him but faltered and he put his arm around her and steered her into the bedroom.

Matthew reached down with his free hand and pulled back the bedclothes. He sat Mary down on the bed and gave her shoulders a gentle push. Her head landed on the pillow and he grabbed her ankles and swung her legs onto the bed. After covering her with the sheet he sat down and rubbed her head.

"Get undressed and come to bed" she whispered.

Matthew leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. "I just have to go remind Anna to put out the cat, I'll be right back."

-0-

"So what happened?" Matthew asked Anna.

Anna shrugged. "I don't know. She had quite the night planned for you then that solicitor of hers phoned and she started drinking right after. I tried to get her to slow down and wait for you but she got shirty with me so ..."

So Murray reminded Mary of what she had to testify to which she had not yet done Matthew thought. And she decided she could only do it with me drunk. He sighed. "How long do you think it will take her to fall asleep?"

"Five minutes I'd think. But you had better peek in right away to make sure she hasn't thrown up."

-0-

Matthew sat on the bed beside Mary listening to her little kitten snores.

During her divorce hearing Mary wouldn't have to testify as to the absolute truth of what happened, she would only have to testify as to what she honestly believed to have happened. He could help her there.

Matthew opened up the drawer to the end table and extracted the box of condoms. He took one out of the box, unwrapped it and put it in his pocket. He put the open box and the wrapper on the end table. He stared at them for a moment and then snorted to himself. "Be a man" she had told him. He repeated the process so there were two wrappers by the box. That should be man enough.


	21. Chapter 21

Sisyphean Love

Con onor muore

September 22, 1920

Mary woke up. She covered her eyes, the sunlight streaming through the bedroom window burnt her eyes. She was parched.

She threw the bedclothes back and sat up. The motion was too fast, she had to hold her head in her hands. She needed water and a headache powder. Then she realized she was naked.

She looked around the bedroom. She saw her dress pooled on the floor by Matthew's suit pants. His necktie was hanging on the lampshade. She saw her pearl necklace on the bedside table next to...next to an open box of condoms and two wrappers. She picked one of them up, she could feel a faint trace of powder and could smell the latex. She put it down.

She touched herself down below. There was no mess, of course the condom would have caught all of that. With Richard there had always been a mess.

With great care she stood up and stretched. There was no hurt. With Richard there had always been hurt.

So they had done it. Twice. What had to have been the best sex of her life with the best man she had ever known and she could not remember doing it. Was that the only way she could do it? Blind drunk? She could not live like that. She could not ask Matthew to.

-0-

After a half hour long hot shower and two headache powders Mary felt as if she would live.

She dressed in the outfit she had worn when Matthew had originally brought her home, no, to his house. It would not be right to wear any of the clothes he had had her buy.

As she was fastening her pearl necklace the flash of the wedding ring Matthew had insisted on caught her eye. She stared at it for a long moment and then took it off. She thought about slipping it into her pocket but instead kissed it and placed on the box of condoms.

-0-

Anna watched a Mary different from the Mary of the past month descend the stairs.

"Mrs. Bates I will have dry toast and black tea in the dining room and could you have Bates bring the auto around."

Anna curtsied "Yes, your Ladyship."

-0-

Matthew's telephone rang. He picked up the receiver. "Yes"

"Mr. Crawley?'

"Yes Miss Dawson?"

"It's Anna"

"Put her through."

Matthew knew even before Anna spoke. It did not hurt any less for knowing.


	22. Chapter 22

Il dolce suono

Mary hoped Matthew would call her, or better, call on her, before the divorce hearing.

He did not.

She knew she should call him. Explain her flight. Beg for another chance. She should call him.

She did not.

Instead she hid in Grantham House and stewed in her shame.

She would not talk to her family. When her Gandmother insisted on pushing into her bedroom Mary refused to talk about her stay with Matthew. It took a threat to move to a hotel to put an end to all questioning.

She did have to talk to Murray. He explained the divorce proceeding to her. It seemed straight forward. What bothered her was learning from him that the hearing had been delayed to October 1st. Another week to further her anxiety.

-0-

Mary chose a scarlet suit to wear to court. It seemed appropriate and moreso it honoured one of her namesake's final wardrobe choice. When her father looked as if he might object she silenced him with a raised eyebrow.

The small courtroom was off a back hall on the third floor of the Law Courts building, in the Admiraldy Division. A little used courtroom if the dust was any indication.

Murray had timed their entry so there would be no time before the hearing started for Richard to confront Mary. Before she sat down Mary looked around. The only people in the courtroom were Richard, his barrister and his solicitor; Murray, her barrister, her father, herself and four, no five court retainers. There was no press, no spectators, no Matthew. She started to sit but heard the call "be upstanding" and so she straightened up for the entrance of the judge, Lord Bullingham.

Richard was called to testify first and throughout he glared at her but Mary did not give him the satisfaction of any response beyond placid disinterest. She did not even frown when he started to lie about how she had taunted him with tales of her many adulterous lovers.

Mary almost lost her composure when, after Richard was finished, a private detective was called as a witness. She looked at Murray who looked away. He must have known this was going to happen but did not bother to tell me she thought. She held down her ire, best to see how things played out. The detective, whose name she had missed, spun quite the web of circumstance. Mary soon gave up trying to uncover the innocent occurance at the heart of every incident cited and instead allowed herself to be entertained by the farce that it was.

And then it was Mary's turn. It almost went according to the script Murray had set out.

"Lady Carlisle are you aware you cannot be compelled to testify as to adultery?"

"Yes"

"Lady Carlise do you waive that privilege?"

"Yes."

"Lady Carlise do you know what adultery is?"

"Yes, it is when a wife sleeps with a man other than her husband."

"By 'sleep' do you mean engage in sexual congress?"

"Yes"

"Lady Carlise have you committed adultery?"

"Yes."

"More than once?"

"Yes." Mary half expected the two sets of condom wrappers to be introduced into evidence.

"If asked, could you give His Lordship the name of the man with whom you committed adultery?"

"Yes."

That was supposed to be it but then Richard stood, pointed his finger at her and yelled "Ask her the name! I want to know his name!" His barrister pushed him back into his chair and whispered something to him. It seemed to settle him down, to a point. Mary looked at her barrister who in turn looked at the judge. Lord Bullingham waived his hand in dismissal "I have heard enough" and Mary stood down.

Mary did not follow the judge's summation of the evidence and his reasoning for granting the divorce. She worried about what Richard was going to do to her afterward.

She need not have. The moment they all stood for the exit of the judge two of the court retainers moved between her and Richard. When he tried to push by them they blocked him.

"Tell me who it is" he demanded.

Mary moved closer to him "No I will not; but I will tell you that he is bigger and better than you." She heard one of the retainers snort.

"Goodbye Richard and good riddance" She gave him a big smile.

Her father grabbed her arm and pulled her away. "Don't pour petrol on the fire. Now come on, they only promised us a two minute head start."

As she was heading out of the courtroom she took one last look at Richard struggling with the retainers.

It was the last time she saw Sir Richard Carlise.

-0-

Mary looked down from the first class deck of the Mauretania at the Cunard Line's Southamption pier and realized that sailing to New York was a mistake. There had already been two calls for visitors to disembark and she could see people streaming down the gangway. Last call would be sounded soon.

She knew she would get no respite in New York. Her Grandmother Levinson would provide no safe haven from the storm that was her life. No, before she had her trunks unpacked her Grandmother would be pushing rich Americans at her. None of whom, she knew without meeting them, would stand up to the gold standard that was Matthew.

Her happiness lay to the north, not to the west.

Mary turned away from the railing, took a deep breath and walked, she did not run, a Lady did not run, as fast as she could to her cabin. Finding her maid unpacking her baggage she told her: "I am getting off the ship. You stay here, enjoy the trip. I will arrange with my grandmother to send you back." Mary grabbed her purse and hurried out of the cabin. Over her shoulder she called out "Bon voyage!" to her shocked maid.

As she plunged down the stairways Mary could hear the last call echoing through the ship. She sped up.

She was the last one down the gangway.

-0-

Mary paid off the cabbie and got out of the cab. It was late, Matthew should be home from his office. She walked up to the door. It's time to step off the cliff, I hope he catches me she prayed. She pushed the door bell and waited.

The door opened just a few inches. Anna peered out.

"What do you want?"

"I...I" Mary stammered "Is Matthew in?"

"I told you not to break his heart" Anna said and then she slammed the door shut.

Mary stared at the door. She pushed the door bell again. There was no reponse. She hammered the knocker against the door. Nothing. She leaned against the door. Matthew! she cried, but not out loud. She slid down the door and sat huddled on the step.

It started to rain.


	23. Chapter 23

Questo è il fin di chi fa mal

A day after the divorce was granted the price of the shares of Richard's company started to drop. Rather precipitously.

It took Richard a further three days to discover the cause. Someone named Hastings was spreading rumors throughout the City, London's financial district, that Richard was selling his assets and what he couldn't sell he was mortgaging; that the proceeds had been deposited in Switzerland; and then he would ask 'Why?'. Hastings never proffered an explanation but he would suggest that it was up to Sir Richard to offer a rebuttal.

Which Richard could not do.

He had sold Haxby and his art collection and his library and that bitch's jewellery and mortgaged his townhouse and his shares. And sent the proceeds to Switzerland.

As to 'why?' no one would believe him; after all everyone knew that when you divorced your adulterous wife you did not have to pay her anything. What everyone believed, and so it must be true, was that he was liquidating his assets preparatory to doing a bunk. And so his credibility was lost and the price of his company's shares reflected such loss.

It did not surprise Richard to discover that Hastings was selling his company's shares short. The lower Hastings could drive the price the greater his profit would be. Richard did not have the ready cash to fight Hastings directly so he decided to meet with him to work out some sort of deal.

The meeting did not go well.

Richard met Hastings in the offices of Hastings & Associates. Richard was alone, Hastings had an associate with him, a tall blond man with intense blue eyes, whom he did not introduce. The meeting was short. Richard offered three possible deals, none of which interested Hastings.

Before he left Richard had to ask "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Why am I doing this?" Hastings repeated back. "I am making money while helping a friend. It is a perfect world for me."

Before Richard could ask what he meant by 'helping a friend' the telephone rang and Hastings answered it. Richard heard "Send them in."

The door opened and Milton Drysdale, Richard's banker, entered the office accompanied by a little man in a cheap suit.

Drysdale nodded at Richard and said "Serve him."

The little man stepped up and asked "Sir Richard Carlisle?"

"Yes."

"You are hereby served" and the little man handed him a sheaf of papers.

"What is this all about?" Richard asked Drysdale.

"You are being petitioned into bankruptcy. Govern yourself accordingly."

Drysdale and the little man left the office and Richard chased after them. "Wait a minute you can't..."

Behind him he heard Hastings and his associate laughing.

-0-

Sir Richard Carlisle's bankruptcy hearing was held the day before Mary left for Portsmouth. The proceeding was short and to the point. Sir Richard Carlisle was broke and his assets forfeit to his creditors.

After avoiding the press Richard retreated to the dingy railway hotel room that was his Elba to plot his return.

Not ten minutes after he got there a knock came on the door. It was Hastings' associate.

"What do you want?" Richard growled.

"You wanted to know why." The man hit him in the face. With something very very hard. Richard fell to the ground blood spraying everywhere. He passed out.

-0-

That night Matthew caught the night train to Paris.


	24. Chapter 24

**Tu che di gel sei cinta**

Behind Mary the door opened. She did not lift her head. Someone shook her shoulder.

"You had better come on in before you catch your death of cold."

Mary turned and looked up at Anna.

Anna nodded her head at the open door. "You've come this far you might as well come all the way in."

Once in the house Anna pointed up the stairs. "You go up and have a warm bath; your clothes are in your room. I'll have tea ready when you come down."

"In the kitchen?" asked Mary with hope.

Anna stared at her for a long moment then nodded. "In the kitchen."

-0-

Everything in her, no their, room was as Mary had abandoned it, except tidied up of course. Mary looked at the bedside table; the gold wedding ring was there but not the box of condoms. She opened table's drawer. The box of condoms was there. She picked up the box and dropped it in the waste basket. Not going to need them anymore. She put the tip of her index finger in the wedding ring and slide it in small circles around the top of the table. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I do" she said out loud and put on the ring.

Then she went down to tea.


	25. Chapter 25

Pourquoi me réveiller

When Matthew returned to his hotel after yet another fruitless search for the place where his mother had been killed he found a telegram from Anna waiting for him.

The telegram read: SHES BACK STOP SHE SAYS FOR GOOD STOP COME HOME STOP

After his dinner Matthew twisted his glass of armagnac back and forth in his fingers as he read the telegram over and over again.

What does 'for good' really mean? Forever or three weeks Tuesday? 'She says, she says', she says a lot of things; what will she do? There's a lot of ruin in a man's heart but still ... this will be three times. Third time lucky. But third man on a match unlucky.

He could feel his resolve hardening, he would not...he heard a laugh. A low throaty laugh. A woman's laugh. He looked at the table up and to his right. There was a couple, an older couple, as old as his parents would have been if ... the man raised the woman's hand and kissed it, the woman laughed again and they leaned their heads together.

Matthew finished his drink and stood up.


	26. Chapter 26

E avanti a lui tremava tutta Roma

While Matthew was in transit Inspector Vimes of Scotland Yard and his colleague, Sgt. Colon, attended on Sir Richard Carlisle in the charity ward of St. Swithin's Hospital.

Sir Richard was not a sight for sore eyes, rather he was a sight of sore eyes and a massive bandage where his nose must have been. Sir Richard dispensed with any pleasanties and got right to the point. "Did you find him? Hastings' associate? What did you find out?"

"I met with Mr. Hastings" Vimes replied. "I learnt a lot of things." He held out his hand to Colon who gave him an envelope. Vimes took out a photograph.

"Is that him? Hastings' associate? Let me see."

Vimes handed Sir Richard the photograph.

The eagerness with which Sir Richard grabbed it faded as he realized it was a photograph of Mary with two massive black eyes and her nose splayed all over her face. While he stared at it he heard Vimes talking.

"I learnt there is a warrant for your arrest in Yorkshire. A warrant that I can have in my hand the day after tomorrow."

Sir Richard was staring at Vimes now.

"I also learnt that some of your friends have passed the hat around and collected enough to provide you with a fresh start in Australia."

Vimes held out his hand and Colon gave him a second envelope. Vimes waved it at Sir Richard. "A train ticket to Portsmouth; passage to Australia, second class I'm afraid; and, a letter of credit good for a thousand pounds when you present it in person at the named bank in Sydney." Vimes looked at his watch. "The train leaves in 34 minutes, the ship sails on the tide tonight." Vimes stared at Sir Richard. "Well?"

Sir Richard at the envelope and then at the photograph of Mary. "But my face..."

Vimes shrugged "They say sea air has remarkable healing powers."

Sir Richard hadn't become a newspaper tycoon by failing to recognize when it was time to make a deal. He held out his hand for the envelope. Vimes held out his hand for the photograph. The exchange was made.

"Colon will give you a ride to the train station" said Vimes as he turned to the door; he had a lunch date with his old comrade in arms, the Earl of Grantham, and he didn't want to be late.

He stopped when he heard Sir Richard mutter "There's no justice" and turned back.

"Sir Richard you received the most basic justice of all, bibical even, 'a nose for a nose'; you should be grateful that you did not have to atone with other parts of your body." Vimes frowned. "If it had been my lady battered like that you would be missing a very important appendage right now. Think on that on your voyage."

Leaving that thought hanging in the air over Sir Richar's head Vimes left.


	27. Chapter 27

Nessun Dorma

Anna was waiting for Matthew on the platform when he got off the train.

He had a hundred questions for her but she waved them off. "In the auto". They collected his bags and went out and met Batesey who was stopped in a "no stopping" area at the station entrance.

Anna got into the back of the auto with Matthew. Before Matthew could ask anything she held up a finger. "Just listen, if you have any questions you can ask Mary. Batesey and I are going to drop you off at the house and then we are heading to Brighton for a naughty weekend. But I will tell you this, we had a long teary talk, she and I, and the upshot is that she has thought of a way around that little problem that has been holding you and her back. I don't know myself, it seems like a long shot, but it just might work, if" and here Anna poked Matthew in the chest "if you give it a shot".

Matthew leaned back, out of range of Anna's finger, and stared at her.

Batesey turned his head back and said "You forgot to tell him the rules."

Anna waved him off. "Keep your eyes on the road. I was just getting to them." She looked back at Matthew. "These are the rules. There's no negotiating, these are the rules. First of all you will not say anything to Mary until she lets you. Second, you will do everything she asks of you without complaint or objection. Trust her, she's not going to hurt you. Play along with her, she knows what she's about and you're a bright boy, you'll catch on soon enough."

Batsey parked in front of the house. As Matthew got out Anna told him: "Don't worry about your bags, there's nothing in them you'll need this weekend. Have a good time and we'll see you on Tuesday at the Westminster Registry Office." Matthew pondered this last bit as he stood on the sidewalk and the auto pulled away.

Matthew shook his head and started towards the front door.

"Matthew!"

Matthew turned back towards the auto, which was stopped twenty yards away. Anna was running towards him.

"I forgot the most important bit. When you go in the door walk three paces straight ahead and close your eyes. Mary is going to blindfold you. Remember you must do what she tells you for this to work. And you both want this to work." Anna poked him in the chest again with her finger. "Make this work."

This time Matthew waited until the auto was around the corner before he turned towards the front door.

-0-

Matthew stood the requisite three paces in from the door and closed his eyes. He did not have to wait long. He smelled her, her scent of roses and he knew not what else, that scent that hollowed him out and made him want to float. He felt her touch on the back of his shoulder.

"I am behind you" she said "Do not turn around. I am going to blindfold you now" and she did.

Matthew reached up and touched the blindfold. It felt like one of his silk ties that had eye pads of some cottony material sewn on it. He heard Mary again.

"I am going to come around front of you. You are not to say anything until I say you can. You will only touch me when I say you can."

Matthew could sense Mary moving in front of him. Then she kissed him. He went to hug her but she stepped back. "Remember no touching" and she took his right hand and placed it on her breast, her naked breast, "unless I give you permission" and then she took his hand away and led him toward the stairs. "Be careful, I do not want you taking a header".

Once they were in the bedroom Mary started to undress Matthew. First his jacket then his tie and shirt. She made him sit on the edge of the bed as she took off his shoes and stockings. She made him stand again as she pulled down his trousers and smalls. He startled again as she took him in hand and kissed him.

"Easy, easy now, everything will be fine." she reassured him. "Now lay down in the middle of the bed, on your back." She waited for him to comply. "Now put your arms up over your head, one towards each corner of the headboard."

By this time Matthew, although he had never done this before, or even seen it done, had caught on, and pushing down his understandable panic, cooperated. It alleviated his anxiety somewhat when, testing Mary's knots he could feel them slipping, clearly she had never been a Girl Guide.

Mary spreadeagled Matthew's feet and then got on the bed, kneeling between his knees. She started stroking his legs, moving her hands from his calves up to the junction of his thighs and back again. As she stroked she talked.

"Every time before when we made love we would get to that point...that point when we should have...and I would remember Richard and ..." here Mary quit stroking until Matthew nudged her with his knee and she started again, concentrating on his mid region "it would be like I was a rock he had kicked down a hill, I would careen down crashing off of trees and other rocks until I shattered at the bottom. But no more. I am in charge of my life, I have your love and you have mine and I am never going to be afraid again."

Mary gave Matthew a long lingering kiss and got up so she could move Matthew's legs together and then she settled down, down, down and ...

And the rock wobbled a bit and then it settled down at the top of the hill where it stayed though buffeted by the winds and storms of time, until many years and a few children later, together they reached...

The End


End file.
